Cordelia's Mom, Still

My, How Far I Have Come!

Posted on February 8, 2016 by cordeliasmom2012

Awaiting my most recent order of books ($100 value, which I got for free by using survey credits), I thought this an appropriate time to re-blog this post from nearly two years ago (*gasp* I’ve been blogging that long?!)

Instead of dragging my sorry butt to my two extra jobs as a market research interviewer, I now experience those surveys from the other side. I am one of those many people who answer online PAID surveys. Not a lot of money, but enough so I can keep myself in books, DVDs and computer games (and puppy toys!) – which is pretty much my life outside of my day job, anyway.

This morning, I received an offer to participate in a survey about “luxury goods.” I did not qualify for that survey [gasp of surprise!].

Come on, panderers to the rich, famous and wannabes – do you really think that people who are in the habit of buying “luxury goods” are likely to be online doing PAID surveys? For all of $1.00 or so? And for which $1.00 the respondent has to wait probably six…

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Posted in Humor, Re-Blogs, That's Life | Tagged free stuff, surveys, work | Leave a comment

Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am (February 2016)

Posted on February 2, 2016 by cordeliasmom2012

Ah, the sweet flavor of success!

Apparently, my little blog has become so well-known that now I am getting death threats from spammers.

Reading the following email, I don’t know whether to laugh my ass off or to immediately set up a Go Fund Me campaign (click twice on the email to enlarge it):

Dear Serial Killer:

Let me point out some of the many ways you slipped up:

♦ You claim responsibility for the Twin Towers AND the London subway bombing – I’m honored to think my pitiful little blog is up there with those two world-changing events, but somehow I don’t believe that’s the case.

♦ You refer to “your friend” and “he” – I don’t have any friends, and certainly none of the opposite sex. My few female acquaintances are more likely to spend their limited funds on wine and chocolate than to hire a hit man.

♦ You indicate you “sent my boys to track you down…” What makes you think I might not like all that male attention?

♦ You ask for $8,000 – (a) I’m a blogger with a day job – there might be $80 in my checking account, and you can have that if you want; (b) nowhere in your email do you indicate where that money is to be sent or delivered – don’t you want your fee?

♦ Did you ever think of offering your services to me? I have lots of people I might like to see dead, provided you can do them all for the aforesaid $80.

♦ As much as I’d like to hear “the Tape,” it’s probably not possible as I haven’t had a tape player for the last 10 years or so. You might want to upgrade to digital.

♦ English is obviously not your native language. You might want to take a refresher course before you send off the next email. Good luck as I await your reply.

PS: In accordance with your final paragraph, I promise not to tell ANYONE about your email. It can be our little secret.

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in Humor, Relationships, Spam-Bam, That's Life | Tagged blogging, comments, death threat, extortion, spam, spammers, success | 42 Comments

The Important Room (Re-Blog)

Posted on February 1, 2016 by cordeliasmom2012

Everyone seemed to enjoy my post about cotton balls, which was written in a moment of desperation when I had run out of ideas.

Again searching for ideas, I took another look around my house for likely items to write about. While spending time in the most important room of the house (hereinafter, “The Important Room”), I noticed the toilet paper roll.

No, this will not be a debate on which way the roll should be hung – that’s been done to a crisp already. Nor will I stoop low enough to write about the item’s normally intended use – I’m pretty sure every single one of my readers is familiar with that. Except, of course, for any readers who don’t have indoor plumbing – they’re probably still using newspapers and catalogs, and, of course, it’s unlikely those particular readers would be technically savvy enough to have found this blog.

Or maybe not, judging by some of the spam comments I’ve received.

At any rate, I’ve wracked my pitiful little brain to think of other ways toilet paper (or TP, for those really sophisticated readers) can be used in everyday living.

I’ve been known to use a piece of TP as a bookmark if I take a new book into The Important Room but forget to bring a paper or plastic marker. And I know you’re all thrilled to have me share that with you!

Cheap-Chic-Weddings.com and Charmin held a contest for wedding dress designs using: you guessed it. The winner walked off with $2,000 – that oughta keep The Important Room stocked for awhile.

Puppies love toilet paper. They love to grab it and then run downstairs and all around the house dragging that playful unrolling paper until it totally runs out. Fortunately, my new puppy hasn’t discovered The Important Room just yet, but I’m sure it will be just a matter of time.

Toilet paper is great for cushioning packages sent to your college student who lives off-campus. It not only keeps those fresh-baked cookies from crumbling, it can be used for its intended purpose upon arrival (assuming you’ve packed the rolls without unwrapping them first – really, I shouldn’t have to point that out). Most college students are very appreciative of such consideration – they’ll have that much more cash to pay for beer.

Got a neighbor you really hate? Wait until a dark, rainy night and throw TP at their house. Rain is a necessary ingredient to make the paper stick properly. While I’ve heard about this method of socializing, I have never personally participated in the event, although I suspect my house could be a target real soon.

If you find yourself moving, either suddenly or otherwise, toilet paper would make good packing material – see above, but without the beer. Or maybe with the beer after the move is completed and the kids are in bed.

How about craft use? I’m thinking a doggie toy made with toilet paper stuffing might be a good idea. Too many dogs ingest the cottony type stuffing most toys come with, causing digestive problems. Toilet paper shreds so well that most dogs would rather do that than eat it, and I’m pretty sure that any small pieces that might be ingested would pass through fairly easily. Nevertheless, ALWAYS watch your puppy or dog with a new toy.

Another crafty use, if you’ve run out of cotton balls, could be snowmen. Just roll that paper into tight little balls, glue the balls together, add toothpick arms, draw a face with marker, and voilà ! If the paper doesn’t roll into tight enough balls, I hear a little spit might help.

Had enough? Of course not. We haven’t done the requisite internet search yet.

Is it really necessary for Wikipedia to define toilet paper? And in such detail? Isn’t toilet paper, or TP, a household word already in most civilized societies?

There’s even a “Toilet Paper World.” Seeing the name, I envisioned TP houses (don’t throw water balloons at others if you live in one), or maybe TP cars (if you want it to roll really well, attach it to a puppy), or possibly TP pets (cute little white fluffy kitties – when you get tired of them, just flush them away).

It’s a joke, people – I have no issues with cats . Hold off those nasty emails!

And who could possible live with himself or herself if he/she didn’t buy the very best TP, as tested in Consumer Reports? Not that I personally agree with the results, but there they are.

***

Well, I myself have had enough of this post. And what with a flare-up of my ulcerative colitis, I need to spend some time in The Important Room now. Perhaps while I’m in there I’ll spot another item to be featured in a future post. I know y’all can’t wait!

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook page, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by: Erwin Fisser/fisserman, and Cheng-Yee/chickensdrawl, and Christopher/chriscorneshi, and Helen Haden/hehaden, respectively

Posted in Humor, Pets, Re-Blogs, That's Life | Tagged blogging, ideas, Important Room, toilet paper | 22 Comments

The Seduction

Posted on January 28, 2016 by cordeliasmom2012

I was seduced by an expert.

Knowing there had been a long period of abstinence, the devil started ever so slowly. Just a little wink, a tiny whiff of that intoxicating scent, an alluring whisper. Rumors that others had enjoyed the devil’s offerings and craved more. Rumors that succumbing would result in overall stimulation, flushed cheeks, heightened awareness, tingling in the tummy.

Sometimes the devil offered chocolate or cinnamon, to spice things up. There were hints that whipped cream might be available in the future.

It became harder and harder to resist. Because – chocolate and whipped cream? Tingling?

Yes, I fell for the devil, and I fell hard.

I used to be a “black coffee, no cream, no sugar” kind of gal. At home, I would only use a percolator. No Mr. Coffee for me – I like my brew strong! But, I developed ulcerative colitis, and coffee became a thing of the past.

Then, the Powers That Be installed a Keurig coffee maker in our office kitchen.

SO MANY CHOICES!

Now, every day I would enter the kitchen door and be confronted by that Keurig machine, with its multitude of individually portioned drinks in every flavor imaginable. Every day, I would be accosted by people walking around with heavenly scented cups of coffee, tea, and other hot beverages.

I started with just one (I swear) cup of plain Folgers coffee. After such abstinence, it tasted soooo good. Having been on my Remicade therapy for more than a year, I found I could drink a cup of coffee occasionally with no deleterious effect. The “occasional” cup became a daily cup – sometimes even two cups a day. Still plain, no cream, no sugar – but had I been paying attention, I might have noticed the seducer’s ploy.

Seducers are patient – time is their friend. Addictions develop slowly.

One day, as I filling the water reservoir in the Keurig machine, I glanced over and started reading the various flavors of coffee, tea, etc. available. It was cold outside. I had been running late and snarfed down my half bagel with cream cheese. There, right on the shelf, were Dunkin Donuts Original Blend and Cinnabon Classic Cinnamon Roll K-cups. Donuts? Cinnamon roll? I’m so in! During the day, I had one of each.

The next day, I noticed the Kahlua coffee. Ok, so maybe it doesn’t really have kahlua in it, but we can all pretend, can’t we? Especially after a whole morning and half an afternoon of dealing with ever more demanding clients? Can we also order the Timothy’s Irish Cream K-cups? Please?

From there, it was a predictably slippery slope.

While I never (well, almost never) found myself adding cream or sugar, each day I would treat myself to one or two cups of Keurig coffee. I experimented with different flavors – Green Mountain Wild Blueberry, Green Mountain Pumpkin Spice, Dunkin Donuts Chocolate Glazed Donut. The variety seemed endless.

I occasionally offset the soft addiction with somewhat healthier choices – Celestial Seasonings Mandarin Orange Spice tea or Green Mountain Hot Apple Cider. But the devil continued to entice.

The seduction was not just a one-night stand. It became an obsession.

Are the sleepless nights worth it? Will the affair eventually become boring and simply end? I don’t know, nor do I care. For the time being, I’m simply enjoying the excitement brought into an otherwise routine existence.

Like many before me, I will continue to enjoy the depravity. Like many before me, I may simply walk on the dark side until God Himself calls me home.

My final words may well be,

“Just one more cup, ok?”

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by Cordelia’s Mom