Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am (February 2016)

February Dusk

Ah, the sweet flavor of success! 

Apparently, my little blog has become so well-known that now I am getting death threats from spammers. 

Reading the following email, I don’t know whether to laugh my ass off or to immediately set up a Go Fund Me campaign (click twice on the email to enlarge it):

Spam Threat

Dear Serial Killer:

Let me point out some of the many ways you slipped up:

♦  You claim responsibility for the Twin Towers AND the London subway bombing – I’m honored to think my pitiful little blog is up there with those two world-changing events, but somehow I don’t believe that’s the case.

♦  You refer to “your friend” and “he” – I don’t have any friends, and certainly none of the opposite sex.  My few female acquaintances are more likely to spend their limited funds on wine and chocolate than to hire a hit man.

♦  You indicate you “sent my boys to track you down…”  What makes you think I might not like all that male attention?

♦  You ask for $8,000 – (a)  I’m a blogger with a day job – there might be $80 in my checking account, and you can have that if you want; (b) nowhere in your email do you indicate where that money is to be sent or delivered – don’t you want your fee?

♦  Did you ever think of offering your services to me?  I have lots of people I might like to see dead, provided you can do them all for the aforesaid $80.

♦  As much as I’d like to hear “the Tape,” it’s probably not possible as I haven’t had a tape player for the last 10 years or so.  You might want to upgrade to digital.

♦  English is obviously not your native language.  You might want to take a refresher course before you send off the next email.  Good luck as I await your reply.

PS:  In accordance with your final paragraph, I promise not to tell ANYONE about your email.  It can be our little secret.


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Images by Cordelia’s Mom

This entry was posted in Humor, Relationships, Spam-Bam, That's Life and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am (February 2016)

  1. Trent Lewin says:

    Okay, well, that is super creepy. Who is this douche bag extortionist? Anyway CM, you are in big trouble for spilling the beans like this, but I appreciate the valuable public service you have rendered. I hope you find and step on this douche bag someday, though.


  2. BAHAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, you received this. People are ridiculous.


  3. Victo Dolore says:

    Man, why do you get all of the cool spam?!?!??!


  4. Hi CM, are you familiar with the term WTF ?? A lot of desperation out there. This is a new one, and a bit creepy.


    • I’m not only familiar with the term WTF, I’ve used it quite often in my posts. Cordelia and I had a good laugh over this one – she’s way ahead of me in blogger recognition, and she’s never received something like this. Guess I just have a special way about me.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. AmyRose🌹 says:

    OMG! CM! Why do these things happen to you? This is so creepy and I applaud you for not going into fear! People are NUTS just plain NUTS. How did they get your email addy in the first place? Unbelievable!


  6. Sounds like a reason to have a wine, chocolate and ice cream party. $80.00 would go a long way if you don’t have to go a long way.

    Lemme help.!wine-ice-cream/c22sl


  7. Wow. That is a MUCH better spam than I’ve EVER gotten. Gee golly whiz, so impressive. You must be a lot more important than me. I get Nigerian princes and lots of fake products — and occasionally spamming trolls — but that’s special. Congrats!


  8. Hmmm – I get spam titled “Hair Rescue” (yes please!) “Local Moms Need Easy Sex” (as opposed to?), “Hot Russian Women Looking for Husbands” (Siberia maybe?) and an inordinate amount from people who are dying and want to leave me their fortunes. Nothing from the Deadly Networks. I wonder if they are on Direct TV? Great post! 🙂


  9. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    This made my trigger finger itch for my AR….just sayin’.


  10. Al says:

    That’s a new one. I think I will have to have a look through my spam to see if there are any worth a giggle 🙂


  11. lbeth1950 says:

    Hey, this is a steep up from the Nigerian prince. Congratulations.


  12. Oh, they’ve found you. Guess they gave up here – that thing was going all around here just before Christmas….looking for Christmas present money then? Well, Valentines is coming up! Then Easter, Mother’s Day, graduations…
    You just have to laugh

    Liked by 1 person

  13. cjlevinson says:

    Good grief! I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe.
    You don’t happen to know any Nigerian princes who might have hired him by any chance?!

    I really hope there’s no one out there who’d actually fall for it but sadly there probably is.


  14. Holy Hannah… just when I thought I had seen every kind of spam there was… Hugs!


  15. inesephoto says:

    Love your reply! 🙂 What a bunch of uselessness.


  16. Thumbup says:

    OMG! Saw your comment over at irtfy and came here. I did not expect something like that! Creepy! You made a good comment back!


  17. Laura says:

    My word, you have obviously tweaked someone enough to provoke a horribly written, terribly organized extortion attempt to spare your life. Would it be wrong to say GOOD FOR YOU! You know you’re doing something right when people sit up and pay attention… 🙂


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