Ah, the sweet flavor of success!
Apparently, my little blog has become so well-known that now I am getting death threats from spammers.
Reading the following email, I don’t know whether to laugh my ass off or to immediately set up a Go Fund Me campaign (click twice on the email to enlarge it):
Dear Serial Killer:
Let me point out some of the many ways you slipped up:
♦ You claim responsibility for the Twin Towers AND the London subway bombing – I’m honored to think my pitiful little blog is up there with those two world-changing events, but somehow I don’t believe that’s the case.
♦ You refer to “your friend” and “he” – I don’t have any friends, and certainly none of the opposite sex. My few female acquaintances are more likely to spend their limited funds on wine and chocolate than to hire a hit man.
♦ You indicate you “sent my boys to track you down…” What makes you think I might not like all that male attention?
♦ You ask for $8,000 – (a) I’m a blogger with a day job – there might be $80 in my checking account, and you can have that if you want; (b) nowhere in your email do you indicate where that money is to be sent or delivered – don’t you want your fee?
♦ Did you ever think of offering your services to me? I have lots of people I might like to see dead, provided you can do them all for the aforesaid $80.
♦ As much as I’d like to hear “the Tape,” it’s probably not possible as I haven’t had a tape player for the last 10 years or so. You might want to upgrade to digital.
♦ English is obviously not your native language. You might want to take a refresher course before you send off the next email. Good luck as I await your reply.
PS: In accordance with your final paragraph, I promise not to tell ANYONE about your email. It can be our little secret.
Images by Cordelia’s Mom