Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am (June 2015)

 

Spam Fritters

SPAM FRITTERS – they actually look pretty good, don’t they?

Just one more week until the rest of the major household repairs begin! Woo-hoo!  But meanwhile, I must deal with the cream of this month’s crop of spam comments:

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Sometimes a spam comment is only amusing  because of the post it’s written on.  This one was attached to my post, The Important Room, which dealt with toilet paper:

Comment:

“At this time I am going away to do my breakfast, afterward having my breakfast coming again to read more news.”

Response:

Enjoy your breakfast. You can get back to spamming more quickly if you avoid the prunes.  Just sayin’

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This one was also posted on The Important Room:

Comment:

therefore i dont think this shit works.”

Response:

I’m certainly sorry to hear that.  You should maybe try prunes.  Hope you feel better real soon.

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Comment:

“Hi my family member! I wish to say that this post is awesome, nice written and include almost all important infos.  I would like to look extra posts like this .”

Response:

I haven’t a clue who you are or where you live, but after such a nice comment (especially after the two above), you may now truly consider yourself family.  Just don’t ask me for money or a place to stay.

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Comment:

Although actual damage is an elective protection, it’s necessary if you provide pizzas since your automobile is important for money.”

Pizza DeliveryResponse:

I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but as much as I’d like to, I simply cannot afford to provide pizzas to all my readers (’cause, yay, there are too many now!), even if I sell my car.

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Comment:

I do believe filter is unavoidable, my full household as well because so many of the I meet and smokes marijuana.”

Response:

I do believe you does smokes marijuana. Now that you’ve publically admitted to drug use, you may want to do something about it.

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This was written on one of my Spam-Bam posts:

Comment (excerpt):

I think that what you said made a bunch of sense.
However, what about this? suppose you composed a catchier post title? I mean, I don’t wish to tell you how to run your blog, but suppose you added a title that grabbed a person’s attention? I mean [Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am]  is kinda boring.”

Response:

I dunno.  I think Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am is a pretty catchy title, and most of my readers agreed with me when I asked them.  I wanted to call it Snarks ‘R Us, but Spam-Bam won out.  Deal with it.

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There were more amusing spam comments than I could use for this month’s post.  I’ll save them for July – join me then!

(As usual, apologies to the appropriate commenter if any of the foregoing weren’t, in fact, spam.  I realize that some comments suffer in translation, and I try to take that into account when determining what is spam and what is legitimate.)

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by:  lint01, and PINKÉ, respectively

Posted in Humor, Maintain It Up, Spam-Bam, Teddy Rosalie, That's Life | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

Walking on Eggshells (Re-blog)

7787472496_d406e32c5d219 posts later, I’ve only managed to tick off a handful of people.  Guess I need to work harder at that. 

Please enjoy this re-blog from my early days:

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Writing a blog is fun, at least for me – but sometimes it can be treacherous.

My last post definitely ticked off my middle daughter.  She objected to being cast as a partyer while in college.

(Helloooooo, Sweetie, I remember that 2:00 am call that resulted in Dad and me jumping into the car and hitting the Thruway ASAP!)

Of course, like most kids, once out of college, my daughter became pretty much a model citizen.  She has a good job and pays her bills (including those horrendous student loans).  In fact, she’s currently working two jobs to pay those bills, God bless her.  She also has some serious artistic ability, and her sisters and I are encouraging her to market her artwork.

Be that as it may, that little interaction with my kid got me to thinking about other posts I have written and will be writing.

So far, none of my readers have complained about any of my posts , but of course, so far none of my posts have been particularly antagonistic.

Be forewarned – that may change in the  future.  I have a couple of  posts in the queue that may well upset or annoy certain readers.

Maybe I  should apologize in advance, but I won’t.  This is my blog, after all.  While I will never, ever post someone’s actual name or any other identifying information without permission (except for public figures, of course), some of the people I’ve met have been just too unique not to feature them.

An example:

Ceiling LightI once worked at a law firm with a really dumb receptionist.  Whenever the phone wasn’t ringing, this young lady would just sit at her desk, staring at the ceiling lights (no, the lights weren’t flickering or anything like that, and they were definitely all the same bland color).

One day, I had a client who needed an answer which I hadn’t yet determined.  Rather than tell the client I just didn’t know yet, I asked the receptionist to field my calls.  I told her that if “Mr. S” called, to please tell him I was currently unavailable and would call back shortly, and then to just  transfer him into my voicemail.  Mr. S was a very nice man, and I simply didn’t want to cause him unnecessary concern.

Later that morning, I was walking  past the receptionist’s desk and overheard her side of this phone conversation:

  • RECEPTIONIST TO CALLER:  Listen, I already told you she doesn’t want to talk to you!  Just leave a message in her voicemail!

Yup, it was Mr. S calling for me.  So, even though I still didn’t have the information Mr. S was waiting for, I had to call him IMMEDIATELY and explain that the receptionist was misinformed.  I told him honestly that I was still waiting for a call from someone else with the information he wanted, and that I had intended to call him thereafter, which would have  been within the next couple of hours anyway.

As I said, Mr. S was a very nice man and also very understanding.  Apparently, he had office staff with the same brain power as our receptionist.

Another example:

Stressed OutI recently called another law firm to set up a real estate closing.  Apparently, their staff aren’t  Rhodes Scholars, either.  Whoever it was that answered the phone simply told me, “I can’t talk to you right now – I’m too busy working on pleadings.”

(Instead, how ‘bout “I’m in the middle of something, may I call you back in a little while?” ??!!)

I doubt that I’m stepping on any toes with the above two  examples –  I’m sure in their free time, these two women are too busy polishing their toenails and watching soap operas to pay any attention to my blog, assuming they can even read.  (Meow)

(Warned you, didn’t I?)

Hate mail can be sent to cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com .

Bring it on!

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I love to hear from all of my readers – you may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by Phu Thinh Co, and Nixter, and Gallivanting Gal, respectively

Posted in Re-Blogs, Relationships, That's Life | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

Defensive Driving with Wine

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I bet if I speed up, I can get onto the expressway before that truck! Who cares that the on-ramp is only one lane wide?

The car insurance bill came in the mail.  I nearly had a heart attack – the premium was going up by $75 a month ($600 per year)?!  WTF?  I hadn’t received a ticket, hadn’t had an accident, hadn’t even been pulled over.  By calling my agent, I learned that my premium had gone up because my 3-year defensive driving course had lapsed.  If both my husband and I take a renewal course before June 15, we can drop the premium back to what it was.

The agent asked, did we prefer to take the course on-line or at a physical location?  Well, duh – if I take it on-line at home, I can get up and do other stuff while the state-regulated timer is counting down.  Heck, I’ve taken this course before, and it never changes.

So here I am on a beautiful spring weekend, renewing my defensive driving skills.

I was able to skip the first chapter because there were technical problems which required help from the on-line chat representative – nearly half an hour lost, so she credited me for the time.

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Hey, it worked for Andy Warhol!

After the second chapter, it was time for lunch – that darn timer said I still had 15 minutes to spend on that chapter, so off I went to make some soup.  Which I ate while finishing the third chapter.

I had forgotten that it is a comedy course:

STOP means stop – of course, but not if you’re on a real city street with real city drivers.  And especially not if you’re on an especially bad section of town where stopping might get you shot. (Don’t worry about a ticket – cops won’t stop there, either.)

The law requires you to signal a turn or lane change – I still do that, but then I’m old enough to have been taught it.  For everyone else, it seems to be ok to make a right turn from the far left lane whenever you damn well please.

Chapter 4 – 30 minutes on speeding?  Heck, I already know how to speed.  Time to clean the bathroom.

Chapter 6 – 50 minutes?  Sheesh.  Come on, Cody, let’s go outside and play awhile.

Play time over.  Both pooped out.  Let’s take a nap.

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[Much later]

Oops.  The Course!  Damn, now I’ll probably have to log back in.  Sigh.  Hope I don’t have to do on-line chat again! (Sounds a little naughty, doesn’t it? Whoever said defensive driving courses couldn’t be fun?)

Chapter 7 – adverse conditions.  Love those fog lights!

Winter driving tips – Remove now and ice from all vehicle windows, mirrors and lights prior to driving.

(Or you could just scrape off a 2-inch square directly in front of your face and just take your chances like other people do).

5:00 p.m.  Cody needs her walk before dinner.

Now dinner – still 2 more chapters to go.

Wine Bliss[Much later]

Chapter 9 – Driving Under the Influence.  Hmm, time for wine.

[A little later]

Chapter 10 – Final Chapter!  Yay!  Time for more wine!

Taking the on-line defensive driving course was not my favorite way to spend a Sunday, but it will save me $600 on my annual car insurance premium (assuming I can get hubby to take it, too).  Woo-hoo!

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I love to hear from my readers.  You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Wine glass image by MovementSix; all others by Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in Humor, Road Trips & Cars, That's Life | Tagged , , , , | 34 Comments

Don’t Look for the Spider

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Can you see the spider in this photo?  No?

I can’t, either – but made you look (and I did tell you not to, didn’t I?).

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This very brief post is in response to  Marilyn Armstrong’s Serendipity Photo Prompt #9: Bite of the Spider, on her blog, Serendipity.

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I love to hear from my readers.  You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Image by Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in That's Life | 17 Comments