Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am

The readers have spoken. Everyone hates spammers. And everyone wants CookieCakes to deal with them.

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Apparently Oliver C. Damon (Chronicle of a Wayward Son)and I started a mini-war after “A Word to the Not-So-Wise” was posted and Ollie created his Maintain It Up! award. Since that time, the spammers have quadrupled their attempts to wiggle their way into my blog, and some of them have become quite creative in their efforts.

And I refuse to take it sitting down (well, maybe I am sitting down as I write the responses – thank you grammar police).

Responding to spammers will now be a regular feature of my blog. Any suggestions for a title for that new feature? Let me know in the comments below. I’m thinking something like “Snarks ‘R Us” – but I’m sure some of you can come up with a better title.

(As usual, apologies to the appropriate commenter if any of the following weren’t, in fact, spam. I realize that some comments suffer in translation, and I try to take that into account when determining what is spam and what is legitimate.)

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Comment:

“My brother suggested I might like this blog.
He was entirely right. This post truly made my day.
You can not imagine just how much time I had spent for this information!
Thanks!”

Response:

Thank you for your praise. Perhaps you brother would like to actually read the blog himself (I know he’s not one of my current followers, and I suspect based on my view count that he’s not a reader, either). Do you even have a brother?

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Comment:

“Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out a lot.
I hope to give something back and aid others like you aided me.”

Response:

So glad you found me, and so very glad I could aid you in naming your new puppy! I’ll be interested in learning how you plan to give that back.

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Comment:

“I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your blog.
It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a developer to create your theme? Superb work!”

Response:

Aw, your praise humbles me almost as much as the fact that you found my naming-my-puppy post so easy on your eyes. Are you any relation to the person to whom I responded above, and whom I apparently aided with that post?

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Comment:

“I simplpy couldn’t depart уoսr site Ƅefore suggesting tɦat I really loved tҺe usual info a person provide ffor ƴour visitors?
Is gonna be agaіn frequently tο check up ߋn neա posts.”

Response:

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps this is just a really poor translation from your native Arabic, although I gotta tell ‘ya – the link back to your website made me a little nervous, and I immediately updated my antivirus software. ‘Nuff said.

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Comment:

“I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was once great. I do not realize who you’re however definitely you are going to a well-known blogger should you aren’t already.
Cheers!”

Response:

I don’t know how you ended up here, either. But your comment linked back to an on-line pharmacy, so perhaps you’ve been partaking just a wee bit? Although, I am somewhat upset that my post (on responding to spammers) was “once great,” and apparently no longer is. I’ll have to work on that. Maybe I’ll check out your site to buy myself some “inspiration.”

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Comment:

“what does average mean in math terms”

(Really, folks, that’s exactly how this comment was written!)

Response:

Obviously, it doesn’t mean you, even as a spammer. Surely you can do better.

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Comment:

how long does garlic cloves last

Response:

I don’t know. You might want to check with your local Vampires-‘R-Us outlet.

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