Cordelia's Mom, Still

Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am (July 2015)

Posted on July 23, 2015 by cordeliasmom2012

I’ve been so busy lately that I nearly forgot to do the monthly Spam-Bam post! Not to worry – I had more than my share of spam comments this month. Check out how well these comments mesh – it’s almost as if the spammers are collaborating:

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Comment:

“I do consider ɑll of the ideas you’ve introduced on yoսr post.
TҺey’re really convincing and can certainlƴ work. Nonetheless, the posts aare toߋ brief for beginners. Ӎay juѕt ʏou please extend them а little from next time? Thаnk you for the post.”

Response:

In light of the fact that this comment was written on my post, “The Difference Between Men and Women Says Cordelia’s Mom,” I have to wonder what exactly you wish me to teach you.

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Comment (excerpt):

“I feel I sing so much better today than I ever sang then.”

Response:

Really, sir, she won’t mind if your serenading is a bit off-key.

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Comment (excerpt):

“I enjoy bushes and am delighted that I – can save some true old beauties…”

Response:

Guess the serenade worked. You’re learning. Now perhaps you should try with someone your own age.

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Comment:

“For $40 you’ll get one shared appetizer, two main courses, a shared dessert and a bottle of wine or round of drinks for $40.”

Response:

Wining and dining is also good. I take it from your budget that you have found someone younger and less experienced?

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Comment:

“I will properly buy some more Vimax drugs afterward. Take
care, guys and thanks for following me here.”

Response:

Well, unless she’s really inexperienced, you might want to get the Vimax first. But inviting other guys in? That’s just a little too racy for my taste.

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Comment:

“As you start out having a growing number of accomplishment in the
activity, the wait moment to upgrade increases until you want to work with your diamonds.”

Response:

From a $40 dinner with shared appetizers, shared wine and shared dessert, to working with diamonds? Now you’re getting it (pun intended).

***

Comment:

“The [name of device] also determines your resting coronary heart price by measuring your pulse once you’re most relaxed.”

Response:

And the evening winds down …

♦♦♦

Damn, I had fun writing this post! Hope you enjoyed reading it. Join me again next month – perhaps there will be diamonds in all our futures!

(As usual, apologies to the appropriate commenter if any of the foregoing weren’t, in fact, spam. I realize that some comments suffer in translation, and I try to take that into account when determining what is spam and what is legitimate.)

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by: Chotda, and Elvis Kennedy, and Macroscopic Solutions, respectively

Posted in Humor, Maintain It Up, Relationships, Spam-Bam, Teddy Rosalie, That's Life | Tagged blogging, comments, men vs. women, sex, spam, spammers | 9 Comments

Cotton Balls (Re-Blog)

Posted on July 20, 2015 by cordeliasmom2012

Today’s re-blog is one of my of my very best posts (at least in my own humble opinion). Enjoy!

*sigh*

Get your minds out of the gutter, people. This is not going to be another story about playing games at a family get-together. That one didn’t go over particularly well – maybe it was the shock (Cordelia’s Mom wrote about WHAT?!), or maybe no one was reading much of anything on a mid-October weekend.

In any event, what happened is this: I was pretty much out of ideas for posts. After showering, I happened to notice the very nice glass container full of cotton balls in our bathroom.

Humph, I thought. Cotton balls. There must be something I can write about using that, and I don’t recall seeing any other blog posts talking about cotton balls. Unique is good, right?

So, what can you do with cotton balls? Well, obviously, you can soak them in alcohol or sudsy water or whatever to clean things. You can use them with nail polish remover to return your nails to their natural condition or to prepare them for that neon blue polish you’ve always wanted to try.

You can use cotton balls to plug up ears and bloody noses. (Gross is good in blog posts, right?)

Lots of craft projects use cotton balls, but the only one I can think of off the top of my head is: SNOWMEN (you know, 3 cotton balls, glue, a couple of toothpicks, and a black magic marker).

Of course, the word “cotton” makes me think of other things, too. Do they still make that body wash with the “fresh cotton” scent? What’s that supposed to mean, anyway? Isn’t all cotton “fresh” (well, at least until worn, or used for bloody noses) (Double gross is even better, right?)

And then, there is – cotton CANDY. Who doesn’t like cotton candy? It comes in all those pretty colors, which make you think it might also be different flavors, but of course, all cotton candy just tastes like PURE SUGAR! Yummm!

Let’s see, what else has the word cotton in it? Well, we know what Google’s for, don’t we?

There are a bunch of actors with the last name Cotton. The only one I ever recall seeing in a movie was Joseph Cotten, because as a kid I loved watching Alfred Hitchcock Presents on TV.

Wasn’t there once a racehouse whose name included the word Cotton? Let’s search that – whoopee, I just won 3 Swagbucks for that search! But no results for a horse named Cotton.

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Of course, for those of you who haven’t figured it out yet – the foregoing is meant to demonstrate how ideas can come from anywhere and anything.

(Well, I must blushingly admit that the foregoing actually did start off as absolute panic from not having a single thought as to what I could write about. Funny how things get turned around sometimes, isn’t it?)

If this post gleans any interest, I may start taking some serious looks at other ordinary household items. The comedian,Tim Conway, once did a hilarious skit about SaranWrap. It was one of the funniest comedy acts I think I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find a link to that skit to post here.

But it just goes to show that pretty much any ordinary household item or product can be turned into a very funny story.

Anyone want to hear my views on ………. (nuts, my mind just went blank! Time to start touring my house again.)

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As always, I love to hear from my readers. You may either comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at: cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by: Bisayan lady, and Megumie, and Celestine Chua, respectively

Posted in Humor, Re-Blogs, That's Life | Tagged blogging, cotton balls, ideas, writing | 15 Comments

The Nightmare Ends (One Can Only Hope)

Posted on July 18, 2015 by cordeliasmom2012

Teddy Rosalie supervises the construction

By now, you’re suffering nearly as much from reading these posts as I suffered while experiencing the events that inspired them. If you aren’t up to speed, read Part 1 (here) and Part II (here).

Day 8: The drywall/painting contractor came with 3 helpers so work could be done in all rooms at the same time. No bathroom, no kitchen for entire day. Otherwise, thank God, there were no unexpected events.

Day 9: Marathon drywalling & painting. Tearing up the rest of the bathroom floor and installing new subflooring and new vinyl sheeting – which meant the toilet had to be pulled and the vanity removed, and which also meant no one could walk on the floor for at least 24 hours — so no access to the bathroom for 24 hours (no peeing, no washing of hands or brushing of teeth, no shower).

Cody was so good at the motel – she didn’t bark even once!

We had to take Cody and stay at a local motel overnight. We discovered that Motel 6 will accept a 44-lb dog WITHOUT A PET DEPOSIT. For a dog who’s never slept anywhere other than in her own house, Cody did pretty good.

Day 10: It was discovered that the new vanity we bought was defective and could not be installed. Home Depot opens early, so guess where I was at 9:00 am. We had the plumber scheduled for 3:00 pm, supposedly to install the new toilet and the new vanity (at least that’s what we told the person who took our order over the phone). The plumber arrived and told us he could only do the toilet, not enough time to do the vanity, too. *sigh*

And then, of course, the plumber had problems installing the new toilet (he blamed the manufacturer, but we figured it was him – who’s to know for sure?). And the labor cost was four times what we paid for the toilet to begin with. And we couldn’t use the new toilet for 6 hours! *double sigh* At one point, the cash register lady at Bon-Ton questioned why I was periodically trotting through the store without buying anything (Bon-Ton has really clean bathrooms).

And the drywall/painter guy had to suspend his work in the bathroom to allow the plumber access. The drywall/painter guy would have to come back on Saturday to finish up. *triple sigh* Which was kind of sad because the drywall/painter guy was so excited at how well the renovation had gone and wanted to see it finished nearly as much as we did so he could take the “after” pictures.

We will repaint the door soon – we didn’t want to pay the contractor extra to paint doors

But the living room and kitchen walls and trim were FINISHED – and were (are) amazing, like something out of a magazine. As my husband said when we finally saw the completed work – “Damn, too bad we have to put the yard-sale furniture back in place.”

Days 11 & 12: Hubby and I both had to go back to work so no construction was planned.

However, I was at work for all of 5 minutes that first day when my husband called to tell me the newly installed toilet was leaking. Not CM took over, and I got through to the plumber’s supervisor. We couldn’t have anyone come until after work hours, but she sent a different plumber out to meet us when we arrived home. The new plumber took the toilet apart, reseated it, futzed around with it, and told us it was probably defective and would need new parts. He suggested calling the store and the manufacturer and told us what parts to order. On his way out, he commented, “I’ve had so many problems with this particular toilet that I keep the replacement parts right on the truck.”

He was gone maybe 10 minutes when that comment sunk in – what? He has the parts NOW? Call him back!

After completing whatever job he had gone to after us, the plumber returned. By that time, hubby and I had agreed that it would make more sense to just have a different toilet installed than to try to repair the old (2-day-old!) toilet (repair would cost $350 – a new toilet was $299).

Not fancy, but it works and doesn’t leak.

We felt it made more sense just to take the defective toilet back and get a refund – if we had it repaired and it then leaked again, the store wouldn’t honor the warranty. The plumber had a basic toilet on his truck and would warranty both the toilet and his work.

The second toilet was installed and has been fine. I think God was on my side – the second toilet fits the bathroom better and has a more powerful flush. Lesson learned: sometimes it doesn’t pay to try for a more eloquent look in home décor.

Day 13 (second Saturday):

The drywall/painter and his assistant arrived promptly at 8:30 a.m. The kitchen ceiling was replaced, and the bathroom painting was completed and the new medicine cabinet installed.

Upon opening the box for the new light fixture, it was discovered that it contained no hardware or instructions – someone at the plant forgot to put that little packet in. (See how my luck goes?) The old light fixture was reinstalled.

CONTRACTOR WORK ALL DONE! NO MORE RUSHING UP TO THE CORNER TO USE THE FACILITIES!

Only a few items left: returning all defective items, picking up new light fixture (and getting an electrician to come out and install it, along with some other work we need done), and installing the bathroom vanity (our contractor told my husband how to do it because one plumber wanted $932 to install it and another wanted $650 – and we already have the vanity and faucet!). And the new window frames need to be stained or painted and reinstalled by the window guy (who insisted that no one else was to touch his casements).

Here are a couple of “after” pictures – I’m dying to share the fully completed bathroom, hopefully in the next few weeks.

The blinds still need to be replaced, and the knickknacks will be put back on the little shelves

These turned out especially well.

We still need a vanity and light fixture.

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in Pets, That's Life | Tagged Cody, construction, houses, Puppy Cody, renovations | 42 Comments

Money Pit II

Posted on July 17, 2015 by cordeliasmom2012

Can’t help but think of the medicine chest scene in “The Money Pit”

If you never did so, you should watch the movie, The Money Pit. The first time I saw it, I laughed so hard my sides hurt and I couldn’t breathe.

But I’m not laughing now.

The first 4 days of the household renovations went well, except for the discovery of the leaky corner of the roof. Read that story here.

Day 5: Long, long construction day (8:30 am to 6:30 pm). No access to the bathroom or the kitchen, so lots and lots of trips to the local grocery store (hmm, need donuts) and to Bon-Ton (hmm, maybe some new furniture? Not). In between, I spent the time in an 8 x 10 room with non-cable TV and Puppy Cody. Ok, those old 1940s and 1950s shows bring back memories, but after numerous days of watching them, I was ready to move on.

Later in the evening, we noticed Cody had fresh plaster on her paws. *sigh* The contractor tried to be neat, but alas, he wasn’t perfect (I thought).

Day 6 (Saturday, the 4^th of July): We told the contractor that he must finish the project by Wednesday of next week, or work would have to be suspended until Fall because hubby and I were both running out of paid time off. We had lost a day due to the roof leak. The contractor agreed to come in a few hours on both Saturday and Sunday to catch up.

Gee, why can’t I use the facilities?

The contractor started the day in the bathroom.

CONTRACTOR: Hey, do you know you have a leaky toilet?

Say what? There was water under the tile around the base of the toilet. A quick check downstairs showed that, sure enough, the toilet was leaking into the coat closet. And it wasn’t just a trickle. Had the weather not been so nice that we didn’t need coats, maybe we would have noticed the leak sooner.

Hubby ran out to the nearest hardware store and purchased a new wax ring. The contractor installed it, reseated the toilet, and flushed. The water came out of the toilet in the area between the tank and the bowl. Never did that before! In the contractor’s own words: “Well, that’s not good.”

For the next hour or so, the contractor fiddled with the toilet. Calling a plumber in on the 4^th of July would require mucho bucks. We discussed moving into a hotel for the weekend – but would they take Cody? The contactor did something or other with the angle of the toilet, and hubby ran out to get a second wax ring. For the time being, the leaking stopped, but we knew we would have to get a new toilet NOW.

Once the toilet issue was under control, the contractor went downstairs to do some more plastering (personally, I felt like getting plastered, too, but it was only 10:00 am).

CONTRACTOR: Say, was your dog scratching at the wall?

(Damn, now I know how Cody got that fresh plaster on her paws. And why she has loose stools this morning. You’d think plaster would be binding – guess we know better now, don’t we? *sigh*)

After the contractor left to join his family for their 4^th of July festivities, hubby and I decided to hit Home Depot and Lowes for those items we needed to complete our renovations.

First on list – new toilet. Single flush or dual flush? Regular or high efficiency? Round or elongated? Forget it – I just chose the one that claimed you could flush an entire bucket of golf balls. ‘Cause, you know, I do that a lot. [Sounds silly, right? But the plumber told me that people have actually tried it – and then had to pay to have their entire sewer line replaced.]

We needed a vanity base, but not the sink – the sink we have is in very good condition. Try to find a vanity without a top at Home Depot or Lowes! Maybe on-line, but not in either of the stores we looked at, and we needed it now. We finally just bought a vanity combo – we’ll decide later which sink we’ll actually use.

New bathroom light fixture needed. Each store had a whole aisle of bathroom lights. New medicine chest – at least that choice was easy.

So many decisions on a Saturday afternoon were giving me a serious headache. Dragged all that crap home and spent the rest of the evening trying to figure out ways to keep Cody from reacting to the boom-boom-BOOM of fireworks.

Day 7: Sunday – even contractors on a deadline need a break, and we sure as hell needed one.

Taking a break from the construction.

And at this point, we all need a reading break. Come back tomorrow for the grand finale!

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by Cordelia’s Mom