Why Am I Always Shopping Under A Full Moon?

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Yes, it’s another full-moon weekend.

It’s not that I shop a lot, nor that the full moon brings out the animal shopper in me.  My job is so busy and so stressful that I can’t shop at all during the week, and on most weekends, I’m too exhausted to go out.  But there are things that I need – well, like wine, for instance.

For whatever reason, my shopping trips just manage to coincide with the full moon more often than not.

Our weather has grown fall-chilly, and I only have two weights of jackets – rainy summer and freeze-your-ass-off winter.  Time to get a fall-weight coat, so off I went.

But first, I needed a haircut.  When I was working just four days a week, I could go to the salon on my day off, but now everything has to be squeezed into those two weekend days.  The cut at least was quick – although, despite the fact I told the stylist to just wet my hair down, she shampooed it.  Hey, I’m not paying for shampooing!  Oops, she said, just habit, we won’t charge you for it.

Now it was coat-shopping time.  Have I ever mentioned how much I hate clothes shopping of any kind?  Nothing ever fits, nothing is ever in my price range, and I really hate dealing with other shoppers.  I could be home playing videogames instead, and if I were retired, I could do that and probably wouldn’t need a coat in the first place.

But such is life.  Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet.

As I was traveling up the Boulevard heading towards Kohls, I passed Sears – and suddenly, I remembered they occasionally have stuff I like and can afford.  The Coat Department used to be on the first floor, but when I got there I was told by a store employee that the coats are all upstairs now.  It was a pretty good Coat Department, too, and I found a car coat almost immediately – a nice thigh-length weather-resistant tan, lined in fleece, and perfect for rainy fall days.  And marked down to 45% of its original ticket price!

But  now I had to find a checkout.  On the entire second floor, there was only one checkout open – and it was in the Tool Department!  I waited in line behind all those men buying thingamajigs and widgets, only to discover that the Tool Department cashier did not have the ability to take that sensor tag off the coat.  I had to go downstairs for that.  Fortunately, the checkout in the downstairs clothing area was not busy – but I did complain to the cashier about the lack of open checkouts upstairs and that they would likely lose customers because of it.  The cashier whispered that it’s been a problem for that store – the upstairs employees simply don’t man their posts like they should.  Alrighty then – it’s a management problem, not mine.  I got my coat, and was on my way.

I still wanted to go to Kohls, and the Wegmans next door to it, so headed further up the Boulevard.  But then I passed the Burlington Coat Factory.  Suddenly, I remembered having very good luck at Burlington several years ago when looking for a winter coat, and the turnoff was right there!  How could I resist?

Burlington does have a very good selection of outerwear, and it didn’t take very long to find a second fall-weight coat that was in my price range.  This one was a thigh-length black, but not weather resistant; however, it was soooo comfy.  I figured I could take both coats home, make a decision as to which one I liked better, and return one.  I could even ask hubby which one he liked best, and then decide to keep the other one (’cause he’s almost always wrong).

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It was Saturday afternoon.  The weather was quite nice.  Burlington was very busy, with both American and Canadian shoppers.  The checkout lanes were packed.  And these were not the same types of shoppers you would find at, say, Nordstrom or Macy’s, or even for that matter, Target.  Even Walmart might have been a little high-brow for some of the folks in line with me.  Fortunately, except for the screaming babies, everyone seemed pretty mellow and patient this particular day.

Finally got to the register and swiped my credit card.

Well, guess what – in its infinite wisdom, my bank had opted to go to chip cards, and I had managed to find myself at the one register that didn’t have a chip card reader.  The young checkout girl told me she would have to take me to a different register, and she picked one at the far end of the counter.  Not really a problem, except that the young couple with baby at that particular register were buying something like two years’ worth of clothes for the baby, the baby was fussing, and their Canadian credit card had just been rejected.  There was the usual conversation between husband/wife (boyfriend/girlfriend?  I have no idea), about trying to use a different credit card, but wait – we just maxed that one out at [store down the street].  I actually felt kind of sorry for them – they seemed like a very nice young couple, and they were doing their best to juggle fussy baby and maxed-out credit cards without losing their cool.

While they were going through purses and pockets, my checkout girl ran my purchase through, and said, “You’re all set.  Have a nice day.”  Well, ok, but don’t you think you should give me the coat I just bought and which was left on the counter by the first register?  Oops, yeah.

I never did get to Kohls and Wegmans.  By the time I left Burlington, I was worn out.  A quick top at the Tops near my house, and I was home just after dark.

BTW, hubby had no  opinion about either coat, so I’m keeping both.

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in Humor, Road Trips & Cars, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

THE WRITE STUFF (Guest Post by Vicky Vladic)

On November 8, 2016, the People of the United States of America will be electing their next President.  Will they vote for the dictatorial old lunatic or the disreputable old biddy?  Or will they use that ever important write-in vote?  It will be an exciting day for sure!

In some parts of the world, it’s already November 8, and there are equally important events to celebrate.  I’m honored to welcome Vicky Vladic of the blog  vsomethingspeaks as today’s guest poster.  Is it mere coincidence that the U.S. Presidential Election is on the same day as the birth of Bram Stoker, the author of Dracula?  I think not.

To all my U.S. readers – don’t forget to vote on November 8, and be sure to write-in Cordelia’s Mom a/k/a CookieCakes for President.

I am Cordelia’s Mom, and I approve of this post.

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THE WRITE STUFF

By Vicky Vladic

November 8 is a very important day to me. It’s the birthday of Irish author Bram Stoker. Every year I celebrate his birthday in November and his death day on April 20. Bram Stoker has been a huge influence on my life. His character Dracula has been a driving force throughout my life. I don’t know where I would be or what career I would have chosen if I hadn’t met Dracula at a very young age!

I was a child when I first snuck into our lounge room while my older brother was watching a Hammer Horror movie. When I saw Christopher Lee as Dracula, I was hooked. His charismatic portrayal of the vampire Count inspired me to study vampires. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I had one answer – a vampirologist!

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During my turbulent teens, I left school and home early and embarked on a life filled with punk rock music and lots of alcohol. But the shadow of the vampire was always with me. My favourite band was The Damned. I loved their music, but I particularly loved their vampiric lead singer. The former grave digger even changed his last name to Vanian – a play on Transylvanian. I also stocked my book shelves with vampire books and watched everything I could with vampires in it. After years of living like this, I did the one thing I never thought I would – I went back to school.

Inspired by a horror film course being offered at a local university, I went back and finished high school and then applied to university. I was so shocked and so happy when they accepted me. The book report I had to write was on Anne Rice’s Interview With The Vampire 🙂 They knew what they were getting! But vampires weren’t the only things I discovered at university. Somewhere on my academic journey, I started studying tarot. I also joined a witches coven and eventually became a Wiccan priestess.

I loved combining my esoteric pursuits with my academic ones. I did my honours thesis on Bram Stoker’s novels Dracula and The Lair of the White Worm. I predominately focussed on hermaphroditic imagery. I fully expected to do my PhD on cinematic vampires but the faculty thought it would be hilarious to have a real witch do a thesis on cinematic witches. I thought it would be funny too. I laughed for the first few years – but after eight years, I wasn’t laughing anymore. In fact, I was exhausted! My dreams of becoming a vampirologist were slowing fading as thoughts of an academic career took hold. The money would be good and I loved university – didn’t I?

As my thesis slowly ground to a successful end, I started having dreams about vampires. An elegant, masculine white hand with long, tapered fingernails and a frilled sleeve would dip a quill into an ink pot and write. He wrote many things, but mainly he invited me to come home. My imaginary vampires missed me and they wanted me back. What could I do? The only thing I could do. I graduated, then left the world of universities and academia behind.

count-of-knivesRekindling my childhood desire to be a vampirologist, I went to work on something I had wanted to create ever since I first touched a tarot deck. With the help of artist Anna Gerraty, The Dracula Tarot was born. The book and deck interpret Bram Stoker’s novel through the medium of tarot. There are many vampire tarot decks out there, but only one Dracula Tarot! While I consider myself a vampirologist, I’ll have to get a few a more vampire books under my belt – and I certainly have many ideas.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t listened to my vampire muse. While I have no regrets, I also have very little money. That is the one downside of pursuing a freelance writing career. The chances of being financially secure are very slim. But it was Bram Stoker’s creation which inspired me, and he didn’t live long enough to discover how important his novel Dracula would be. While I don’t expect to create anything as ground-breaking as Dracula, I can always dream 🙂

I’m currently working on a cupcake cookbook with Anne Belov – creator of The Panda Chronicles, I’m also finishing an esoteric cookbook. Next year I’ll be starting work on my follow up to the Dracula Tarot – and yes it will be about vampires!

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Vicky Vladic and I love to hear from our readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by Vicky Vladic (get your copy of The Dracula Tarot now! – click here for the book, and here for the tarot deck)

 

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The Best Candidate Ever!

Because it’s Sunday and I’m out of ideas for the main blog, Not CM has once again taken over the computer …

cordeliasmom2012's avatarNot Cordelia's Mom

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHave you wondered where I’ve been?  Missed me? Well, of course, you have!

I’ve been hard at work on the campaign trail.  No, I won’t tell you which candidate – because I don’t want to influence your vote.  But I will tell you this.  No matter who wins, you can be sure that:

◊  Whichever candidate is elected, it will be the one you hate the most.  I’m working hard to make that happen.

◊  Your personal financial situation will not get better and in all likelihood will get worse, especially if you are in the Middle Class.  I have no sympathy – not my fault you’re not rich like me.

◊  You know that health insurance plan you were all excited about just a few years ago?  Well, it’s about to become way more expensive with way less coverage.  Suck it up, all you little people.

◊  Want to…

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Posted in Humor, Not Cordelia's Mom, Re-Blogs, That's Life | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Customer [Dis]Service: Crossing Over

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We’ve all been there, done that.  Called that 800 number, only to discover that the person on the other end of the line does not normally speak our language, but is trying really hard.

Many years ago, my job involved estates and trusts work and often required me to call various banks and financial companies to get account information or date-of-death values.  I really hated that part of my job – my own checkbook hasn’t balanced in 40 years, and I barely understand the difference between a stock and a bond, nor do I know anything about annuities or life insurance.  (And I do not care to learn, so all you investment bankers and money managers can stop bothering me!)

Knowing what to ask during such calls is half the battle – having to deal with a customer service rep who is not fluent in English doesn’t help

On one memorable occasion, I needed to call for account information on our newest estate, let’s call the decedent John Jones. I dutifully called the 800 number listed on the financial statement provided by Mr. Jones’ executor.  And the conversation went like this:

ME:  Hi, I’m CookieCakes, and I’m calling from Alpha Beta Esquires.  We’re the attorneys for the Estate of John Jones.  We need to close out the account.

CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE (hereinafter referred to as CSR):  Are you Mrs. Jones?

ME:  No, we’re representing Mr. Jones’ estate.

CSR:  I can’t give you any information.  I need to speak with Mr. Jones.

ME:  Mr. Jones is deceased.

CSR:  Could you have Mr. Jones come to the phone so I can speak with him?

ME:  No, I can’t.  Mr. Jones is deceased.

CSR:  Oh, I see.  When will Mr. Jones be available to come to the phone?

ME:  He can’t come to the phone.  He’s deceased.

CSR:  I’m sorry.  I can’t give you account information.  I need to speak to Mr. Jones.  Please have him call.

At which point I totally lost it.

ME:  Mr. Jones. Can’t. Call.  Mr. Jones is – DEAD !!!

There was a brief pause while the CSR considered whether or not to hang up on the loony American lady (or whether to simply link her to one of the other incoming callers), but finally –

CSR:  Oh, I see.  Let me connect you with our Estates Department.

Lordy, isn’t that what I was trying to do all along?

In hindsight, maybe the CSR simply couldn’t understand my East Coast American accent.  When I recently relayed this story to one of my new co-workers, he said, “Maybe the guy thought you said ‘diseased‘ and just thought Mr. Jones would be available once he recovered.”

There’s always a different way to look at something, isn’t there?

Either way, it’s a funny story.  And yes, once transferred to the Estates Department, I found myself talking to someone in my own country who understood that dead people don’t make phone calls.

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in Humor, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments