Things are getting out of hand. Time to bring in the negotiators:
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Dear Peacekeeping Bears (I’m sorry, I don’t know your names),
I have been a Bad Dog, and I don’t know how to fix it. I went on the Bark-O-Net (you know, all the dogs barking from different houses?), and my neighbor Rex suggested I should try to contact you. Here’s my story:
I made friends with a cat in Seattle by the name of Mehitabel. I thought Mehitabel was my friend, especially when she was so comforting when I thought my Mom was about to die. But then Mehitabel gave me some bad advice about my Mom’s new pet, Teddy Rosalie – Mehitabel told me to eat Teddy Rosalie! So I tried to. And Mom got angry. And Teddy Rosalie called her friend Vlad the Vampire to come all the way from Great Britain to protect her!
Now Vlad’s hiding in all kinds of weird places and scaring the heck out of me. Then Mehitabel found out that Vlad’s planning on doing the same to her – and now Mehitabel and Vlad are at war! I’m scared all the time.
Can you help?
Fearfully yours, Cody
PS: Mehitabel also told me pandas are bad, but I’ve heard they’re pretty much in the same boat I am – which puts them on my side, doesn’t it?
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ATTENTION: Cody
FROM: Bear Peacekeeping Command Headquarters, Customer Services Sub-Command, Office of the Bear General, Communications Detail #10101010, 1 Collaborative Way, Hinterland, State of Peace , New World Order
Thank you Cody for your communication. We here at Bear Peacekeeping Headquarters (BPH) take all requests for assistance seriously. Our very first order of business is to make sure all participants currently have all their stuffing still in place (or for those unfortunate flesh beings – are unharmed). That being the case (which it sounds like it is) we bear down to stop the hostilities immediately. It is only then that we come to bear on solving the issues – once the safety of the participants is guaranteed.
We definitely can help you Cody and can have a platoon of Swiss Bear Peacekeepers (we use many nationalities in our services and given your participants are multi national in nature, the Swiss should do a good job) on their way within a day at your request. I cannot say how the final negotiations will progress until we have stabilized the situation and all are secure. If you choose to accept our offer of help, I suggest that you take some steps in preparation for our arrival.
First, please advise all the participants that we are coming, so there are no surprises (this can be done by bark-o-gram if you choose). Also advise them that we will not bear any interference or actions taken while we are en route or on site. Given one of your participants is Vlad the Vampire, give him fair warning that we come with all the knowledge and weapons used in the Olde Worlde and expect his cooperation. We have an invisibility cloak detector and disruptor as well as a speed limiting force field .The cat Mehitabel will be more difficult given her distance and attitude. Tell her we have vets on call, should she be unruly or difficult.
And make sure all participants are aware that we use force only in the extreme to protect ourselves or other participants – so if every one behaves this will be a bears’ picnic.
Please advise if you wish us to dispatch the Swiss Bear Peacekeepers to aid in your situation.
Yours most peacefully,
General Thomas P. Bearing, Bear Peacekeeping Command Headquarters, Customer Services Sub-Command, Office of the Bear General, Communications Detail #10101010
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Dear General Bearing,
Please come immediately. I will let Mehitabel and Vlad know that you will be arriving soon. Thank you so much for getting back to me so quickly!
Gratefully yours, Cody
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Cody,
are you nuts? inviting more bears to this poo fest? It is bad enough that we already have all those cursed pandas and Teddy Rosalie, not to mention that deluded vampire bear, but do you really think this so called Bear Peacekeeping force is going to be unbiased?
I really hope you can call them off. I’ll let you have my favorite catnip mousie if you do.
Apprehensively yours, Mehitabel
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Dear Rosalie, Cody, Mehitabel and General Thomas P Bearing,
Well, well what a pretty pass this has come to! I thought I was handling the situation with complete competence. I have actually been a mediator for many many years now. That said I am not proud and am quite prepared for the Swiss Bear Peacekeeping core to arrive and assist.
Mehitabel my dear cat ( choke, cough wretch ) you seem to be the only one at odds to this attempt at mediation. Far be it from me to point the paw but it seems that only you are at odds with the suggestion.Perhaps you would feel better if you had something in your corner, Gnomes of Zurich or maybe the UN ( the guy with the pretty blue hats) . Feel free to pick any representative you choose! We do not want you to feel out numbered or un-advantaged !
I am ready for anything …esp if food will be involved, but I am not a push over . I have not been around for eons and I have learned a thing or two! OH! and I have plenty of allies I can call on if the cat is unhelpful!
I remain your un-humble servant.
Vladimir the Omnipotent Immortal Vampire
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ATTENTION: Cody
FROM: Bear Peacekeeping Command Headquarters, Customer Services Sub-Command, Office of the Bear General, Communications Detail #10101010, 1 Collaborative Way, Hinterland, State of Peace, New World Order
At your request in your June 7 communique, we shall dispatch the platoon of Bear Peacekeepers today and they shall be en route to you. Expect arrival shortly.
Yours most peacefully,
General Thomas P. Bearing, Bear Peacekeeping Command Headquarters, Customer Services Sub-Command, Office of the Bear General, Communications Detail #10101010
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The foregoing is a collaborated post by Cordelia’s Mom (as Cody), Paul Curran (as General Thomas P. Bearing), Willowdot 21 (as Valdimir the Omnipotent Immortal Vampire), and Anne Belov a/k/a Bob T. Panda (as Mehitabel).
We all hope you enjoyed this Four-Way Post. Stay tuned for more – the negotiations have only just begun!
(EDITOR’S NOTE: Be sure to come back and read the comments. If I know my collaborators, they will each be fighting to have the last word!)
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You may comment on the post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com
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Photos of the individual characters were supplied by each character’s owner, and the ending cartoon was drawn by Anne Belov a/k/a Bob T. Panda.
Cordelia's Mom, Still 