Cordelia's Mom, Still

Tired of my re-blogged posts?  Me, too.  Thankfully, blogger Nick Claussen is willing to step in and entertain all of us.  Please join me in welcoming Nick.  Once you’ve enjoyed his guest post, hop on over to his site (Nickworthy) – you’ll be glad you did!

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You know it’s time to cut your grass when…

by Nick Claussen

I am a big fan of Cordelia’s Mom’s blog, so I was honored when she asked me to send in a guest post. I don’t have any good car wash stories (you should read that post by her if you haven’t had the chance to yet), so I have some lawn care tips here to help you better understand when it’s time to cut your grass.

On summer days when I don’t have much to do, I really like getting the old lawnmower out and cutting the grass. I am one of those people who loves the smell of cut grass, the look of a fresh cut lawn and the satisfaction of making the lawn look nice on a warm summer day.

At the same time, though, I’m also one of those people who enjoys watching television, reading and procrastinating. So basically, I like cutting the grass, but far too often I get behind on it and it starts looking overgrown.

Here are a few signs that tell me that I can’t put it off anymore and that I need to cut the grass.

• On a summer evening when you would usually hear the cool breeze whistle through the leaves, you instead hear it rustling through the tall waves of grass in your yard.
• You walk by your lawnmower and then engine grumbles to let you know that it’s hungry.
• When you look out your window, you see that girl from Little House on the Prairie running through your yard.
• When you actually do take your lawnmower out into the grass, the engine quickly stops out of fear.
• You can’t find your sidewalk.
• You can’t find your dog.
• When you are standing in the grass, you can’t even find your feet.
• The sheriff’s department sends a helicopter over your yard to see what you are growing and to check to see if you are hiding anything.
• It’s the only time of the year that the cat doesn’t want to go outside.
• The guy down the road from you whose yard is filled with junk and whose house looks like it is about ready to fall in stops and asks if you can do something about your lawn.
• Your knees get grass stained just from walking through the yard.
• You spot a crew from the Animal Planet television network filming a nature program in your front yard.
• The government designates your lawn as either a nature preserve or a wetland.
• Sheep start walking down the street, licking their lips while looking at your yard.
• You can’t find the garden.
• You can’t even find the swing set anymore.
• People stop by to ask if they can purchase hay from you.
• You can’t walk in your yard without stepping in dog poop, because you can’t see where the dog poop is.
• When you lie down in the grass, you find that you can make grass angels.
• Your children start rolling up balls of grass and building grassmen.
• You’re scared to walk in the grass because of the wild animals that may be in the yard. You’re not worried about not being able to see snakes or raccoons anymore, though. Now you’re worried about not seeing deer, bears or even moose.
• People start giving tours of your yard.
• Your neighbors put up “For Sale” signs in front of your yard hoping that you will move and that someone who will cut the grass will buy the property.
• Instead of offering to cut your grass for a price, your neighbors offer to pay you to let them clean up the front yard.
• The grass is so tall that it’s all that you think about. You know that when you finally get it cut, it will stop weighing on your mind and you will feel great about it, but instead of actually doing the work you choose to write another dumb column about the tall grass in your lawn.

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Yup, I hear you, Nick.  This is Memorial Day weekend, and many of us should be out mowing our lawns.  Here in my neighborhood, it’s raining – again – but that’s ok because it keeps the loony neighbors in.  Keeps it quiet, and allows me to stay in, relax, play some videogames – and let other people do my blogging work for me. 

Nick – you are awesome! Thanks so much for helping me out during my sabbatical – and please, please come guest post again!

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Nick Claussen and I love to hear from our readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com .  To contact Nick directly, hop on over to his site: Nickworthy

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First grass image by Cordelia’s Mom; other images by Nick Claussen