Defensive Driving with Wine

Just so you don’t forget me while I’m on sabbatical, here’s a little something I wrote awhile back.  Be sure to click the “fog lights” link in the post – you’ll be glad you did!



I bet if I speed up, I can get onto the expressway before that truck! Who cares that the on-ramp is only one lane wide?

The car insurance bill came in the mail.  I nearly had a heart attack – the premium was going up by $75 a month (an additional $600 per year)?!  WTF?  I hadn’t received a ticket, hadn’t had an accident, hadn’t even been pulled over.  By calling my agent, I learned that my premium had gone up because my 3-year defensive driving course had lapsed.  If both my husband and I take a renewal course before June 15, we can drop the premium back to what it was.

The agent asked, did we prefer to take the course on-line or at a physical location?  Well, duh – if I take it on-line at home, I can get up and do other stuff while the state-regulated timer is counting down.  Heck, I’ve taken this course before, and it never changes.

So here I am on a beautiful spring weekend, renewing my defensive driving skills.

I was able to skip the first chapter because there were technical problems which required help from the on-line chat representative – nearly half an hour lost, so she credited me for the time.


Hey, it worked for Andy Warhol!

After the second chapter, it was time for lunch – that darn timer said I still had 15 minutes to spend on that chapter, so off I went to make some soup.  Which I ate while finishing the third chapter.

I had forgotten that it is a comedy course:

STOP means stop – of course, but not if you’re on a real city street with real city drivers.  And especially not if you’re on an especially bad section of town where stopping might get you shot. (Don’t worry about a ticket – cops won’t stop there, either.)

The law requires you to signal a turn or lane change – I still do that, but then I’m old enough to have been taught it.  For everyone else, it seems to be ok to make a right turn from the far left lane whenever you damn well please.

Chapter 4 – 30 minutes on speeding?  Heck, I already know how to speed.  Time to clean the bathroom.

Chapter 6 – 50 minutes?  Sheesh.  Come on, Cody, let’s go outside and play awhile.

Play time over.  Both pooped out.  Let’s take a nap.



[Much later]

Oops.  The Course!  Damn, now I’ll probably have to log back in.  Sigh.  Hope I don’t have to do on-line chat again! (Sounds a little naughty, doesn’t it? Whoever said defensive driving courses couldn’t be fun?)

Chapter 7 – adverse conditions.  Love those fog lights!

Winter driving tips – Remove now and ice from all vehicle windows, mirrors and lights prior to driving.

(Or you could just scrape off a 2-inch square directly in front of your face and just take your chances like other people do).

5:00 p.m.  Cody needs her walk before dinner.

Now dinner – still 2 more chapters to go.


[Much later]

Chapter 9 – Driving Under the Influence.  Hmm, time for wine.

[A little later]

Chapter 10 – Final Chapter!  Yay!  Time for more wine!

Taking the on-line defensive driving course was not my favorite way to spend a Sunday, but it will save me $600 on my annual car insurance premium (assuming I can get hubby to take it, too).  Woo-hoo!


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Images by Cordelia’s Mom

This entry was posted in Humor, Re-Blogs, Road Trips & Cars, That's Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Defensive Driving with Wine

  1. Tippy Gnu says:

    $600, or actually $1800, isn’t too bad for a day of work. But it sounds like a pretty boring Sunday. I would have had my car racing computer game on the other window.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Victo Dolore says:

    Now THAT is my kind of defensive driving class!!!! 🙂


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