(Joint Post by Anne Belov & Cordelia’s Mom)
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*sigh* The little darlings have been at it again! But I can’t really punish Cody for re-contacting that evil Mehitabel – I can understand how frightening it must have been to find those papers. Poor puppy!
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November 29, 2014
Dear Mehitabel,
I think I’m in big trouble, and I don’t know who else to turn to. I know my Mom will be really mad if she finds out I’m on her computer again after what you and I did last time, but here’s what happened:
Mom and Dad have been home the last few days. I don’t know why, but there was lots of good food in the house – boy, do I love turkey! Anyway, yesterday they both were gone for a little while (I heard something about some kind of black shopping – maybe they’re getting me a brother or sister?).
Mom had been cleaning up some stuff upstairs, and she left a box of papers on her bed. No, I didn’t destroy them – what happened is much, much worse.
One of the papers was called a Last Will and Testament, and it listed all kinds of things that Mom was going to give to other people – like, Dad gets the house for some reason. Looked pretty cool to me, but I wasn’t in there anywhere! Couldn’t she at least give me some treats or a fluffly toy, or something?
So I went on the computer and looked up what Last Will and Testament means – and I found out that MOM IS GOING TO DIE!
I’m so scared, Boss Cat. If Mom dies, I’m not sure Dad would keep me. He’s always telling Mom, “Well, you wanted that damn dog.”
What’s going to happen to me? Could I maybe come live with you and the pandas?
Help me, Mehitabel. You’re the only friend I have.
Faithfully yours, Cody.
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Dear Cody,
Have you learned nothing from me? You must destroy that document immediately, and write a replacement one that leaves everything to you. I think my mom has one, too, and I have been trying to find it to make sure I am adequately compensated for all the bother she puts me through. Honestly, it is so hard to get good help anymore.
Save the page that your mom signed, and insert the pages that leave everything to …um…wait a minute…you need a reliable “agent” to help you through this time…just add pages that leave everything to me, and I’ll make sure you are “taken care of.”
As to the black shopping thing, all I can say is, if a black cat shows up around here there is going to be big trouble. There is not enough kitty treats to go around and this couch isn’t big enough for two of us. I hate kittens. There better not be any kittens. Are you sure you want to share your toys with another dog? Just sayin’.
I hope your people went back to work today. It is not a good idea to let them hang around too much. They start getting “ideas” about what you should or shouldn’t be doing.
Let me know when you have corrected that Will thingie.
Mehitabel aka Boss Cat.
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Thanks, Boss Cat –
I knew I could count on you. I’ll find a way to change those pages right away. The Will has those little circular things holding the pages together, so that might be a problem, but I’ll figure it out.
But what do I do about Dad? I just know he’ll give me away as soon as Mom’s gone.
Gratefully yours, Cody.
P.S.: No, they didn’t bring me a puppy brother or kitty sister. I don’t know what they were doing out there on Black Shopping Day, but guess they were doing something for themselves instead of for me.
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Cody, Cody, Cody –
Hmmmm, there are definite disadvantages to not being a cat. Ha ha! Besides the obvious. My claws are perfect for dislodging those little wire thingies. If you take it off with your teeth, try not to swallow it.
I’m sure, that as a member of your sucking up species, you will manage to endear yourself to your dad. Besides, I’m guessing your mom is not planning on checking out any time soon. I think this is one of those things people do being “responsible” pffft! What’s THAT all about?
Meanwhile, I have bigger fish to fry, as it were! Hmmm….I wonder if my servant is going to make a tuna sandwich for lunch…. Oh, sorry, I got distracted. Anyway, she’s all wrapped up in this 31 days of pandas fiascos. Let me know if you come up with any good ideas to distract her, so I can turn it into 31 days of CATS!
Maybe you’ll be lucky and they’ll get you a kitten for Christmas.
Ho Ho Ho, Boss Cat
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Say What, Boss Cat?
Mom’s NOT dying soon? How do you know such things?
But you’ve made me feel so much better! You’re right – I should spend more time making Dad love me as much as Mom does. I see lots of tail wagging and rolling-on-back in my future.
Now it’s my turn to help you. I’ll try to think of some ways you could distract your Mom so she can spend more time on you instead of those pandas.
Gotta go now – Dad just got home from work, and I have some serious groveling to do.
Bye for now.
Your faithful servant, Cody.
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Yesterday, I arrived home from work to discover Cody with a split dew claw, requiring a quick vet visit. The Will looked to be OK, although a couple of the grommets seemed a little askew – I don’t know if that’s related to the dew claw or not.
I will give my hubby credit, however, for paying the vet bill without adding, “You wanted that damn dog.”
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The foregoing post is the joint work of Anne Belov and Cordelia’s Mom. We sincerely hope you enjoyed it.
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Anne Belov (a/k/a Bob T. Panda) and I both love to hear from our readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com
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Top image by: Lucy; Mehitabel images by Anne Belov; Puppy Cody images by Cordelia’s Mom
As they say, you’re never too old to learn something new.
Recently, I came across an article on how to tell the sex of a persimmon tree, followed by the much touted article on differences between the male and female persimmon trees, one paragraph of which says:
“Sexual Variation
“To complicate things with the sexual identity of persimmon trees is the fact that the same plant can sometimes produce different types of flowers over the course of its lifetime. As a result, it is totally possible that the same tree that produces a large crop of tasty fruit during one year, can bloom in the following spring bearing nothing but male flowers. However, the frequency of this unusual botanical characteristic would best be described as uncommon, and usually only occurs after a traumatic event like the loss of some branches.”
I suppose I should have realized that fruit-bearing trees must be male and female – how else would those baby fruit buds be formed? I vaguely recall that when I bought the pear tree for my back yard, the nursery personnel asked whether any neighboring houses had pear trees, because if not, then my tree might not ever grow pears. Well, I get lots and lots of pears every year, so I just figured those honey bees were doing their job – it never really occurred to me that I might have a [slutty] female tree.
(Ok, folks, sex education really wasn’t part of the curriculum when I was in school many, many years ago – it’s a wonder I ever figured out where my own babies came from. Although I do admit I am somewhat fascinated by how a traumatic event can cause the persimmon flowers to change from female to male (but I think I may understand how male could become female, what with “a traumatic event like the loss of some branches” – depending on what branch(es) were lost) – and no, I don’t really want to go there in this post.)
This then begs the question – what other unlikely things have genders?
Well, of course, grass would have to be male/female. That’s not a mole running through and making those little blades wave – think about that next time you mow the lawn. You might be wiping out entire generations of little green grass families:
“Damn, Mildred – get some clothes on and grab the kids – we’re about to be mowed.”
And how about supposedly inanimate objects – we assume they don’t have a gender, but they may think otherwise.
For instance, pens. My pens always disappear off my desk, only to reappear days or weeks later – with friends in tow. I never discover just one returned pen – it’s always a whole passel of them. And maybe it’s just me, but they always seem just a little brighter on the return.
To get back to the lawn-mowing scenario – have you ever run over just one stone? There were no stones in that lawn last week, but now there are several of them. I always just figured my neighbor’s kid was throwing stones over the fence, but after reading about the persimmon tree sex issue, I’m not so sure. Maybe the little gray [horny] devils are sneaking in from other yards for a little afternoon delight. Maybe that explains why there are little stones and bigger rocks, and why some stones are round but some have pointy edges.
And, did you ever accidentally “kiss” the bumper of the car in front of you? Maybe it wasn’t really anything you did – maybe the vehicles in question simply had an attraction for each other. How about the somewhat more serious fender-benders? Maybe those vehicles simply like it a little rough.
And, of course, we’ve all experienced lost socks after washing. Where do they go? Are they sneaking off to hook up with other people’s socks? I picture them slithering out the washer hose, down the drain, into the pipes, up a drain at someone else’s house, and then into that person’s washer. Have you ever come across a sock you swear wasn’t yours? I’ve never gotten any of mine back – perhaps your place is just a little more exciting than mine.
I wish my blog posts were so prolific – it would be wonderful to open my WordPress editor and discover that several new post drafts had been created while I was away from the computer. But alas, that is not to be. Guess you’re all stuck with whatever I can come up with in my own pitiful little brain.
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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com
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Images by: tariusxj, and Sean Hobson, and Michael Wyszomierski, respectively
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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at: cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com
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Cordelia's Mom, Still 