Cordelia's Mom, Still

My new[er] car has slots on the floor on either side of the front seats, just inside the doors, for the sole purpose of holding a folding umbrella.  What a cool feature!  No more throwing a wet umbrella onto the seat.

Had I been asked to list the features I want in a new car, that little detail would not have been included simply because I never would have thought of it.

However, it did get me thinking (always dangerous).  If I could choose anything I want on a car, what kinds of features would I like?  Here are some thoughts – bear in mind that I might have come up with some of these after a couple of glasses of wine:

An easily accessible hook on which to hang my purse while driving.  Normally, I toss my purse on the front passenger seat – but if I have a passenger, then the purse must go onto the back seat.  Which is not convenient should a cop pull me over and want my license.  [Pardon me, officer, but do you mind if I get out and open the back door, or would you rather I simply climb over the seat to fetch my purse?]

A back-up camera cleaner.  Now that I have a backup camera, I find I use it a lot.  But it’s located under the back license plate, where all that road grit and slush are thrown against it.  This results in me thinking that I have lost my glasses just before backing up because everything is just sooooo blurry.  Or else I imagine I see a ghost standing behind my car instead of that garbage tote.   How hard would it be to put a mini-squirter or mini-wiper on the darn thing?

Self-cleaning body panels.  Sure, I can clean both the front and back windshields with the push of a button, but I still need to drive to the carwash to clean the rest of the vehicle.  This is a pain in the butt and often makes me late for work because no one else has a self-cleaning car, either.  They make self-cleaning ovens and self-defrosting refrigerators , don’t they?  Why not cars?  Which brings me to my next desired feature:

Self-defrosting car.  I don’t have a remote starter, and even if I did, it still takes time for that ice to melt off the vehicle (waste of gas) – and the defrosters only clear the front and back windows.  I want a car that automatically deflects all ice and snow, or at least one that is capable of self-melting the ice off those damn doors so that I can actually get in without tearing my shoulder out of its socket and then hearing that nasty door-opening  “crack” which makes me think the hinges have failed completely.

Bigger sun visors, or automatically tinted glass.  Us shorter people are not protected by those tiny sun visors that are in most cars these days.  Sure, I could wear sunglasses while driving, or I could go out and buy one of those visor extenders (yes, there are such things – look it up), but why should I have to?  If making the visors bigger is too much of a problem, then how about making the windshield tint automatically according to the amount of light?  Eyeglass manufacturers have been doing that for years – how hard can it be?

Roof-top alert.  How about an indicator that would tell me if I accidentally left my  house keys, or a package, or my lunch on top of the vehicle when I took off?  After my first child was born, I accidentally left her diaper bag on top of the car – thank heavens I noticed when it fell off a few blocks later.  (And thank heavens it wasn’t the car seat, with the baby in it!)

A programmable horn.  Wouldn’t it be cool to be able to choose the sound of your car’s horn?  I especially would like one that OINKS whenever I see someone throw a cigarette or garbage from another vehicle.  (There should be a safety feature, however, so that I can’t use the OINK setting if there is a police vehicle within eyesight or hearing range of my car.)

A forewarning system.  This may be my favorite, and would be beneficial to traffic in general. How about some kind of system that would let other drivers know I’m coming, so they can get off the damn road already!

How about you?  What features would you like on your next vehicle?

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