Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am (April 2015)

 

 

LotsaSpam

Dealing with spammers is very much like dealing with home repair contractors – you need to keep your sense of humor:

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Comment:

“otherwise”

Response:

Short, unexpected, and totally nonsensical.  Otherwise, I love it.

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Comment:

 “certainly like your web-site however you need to test the spelling on several of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling issues and I in finding it very bothersome to tell the reality on the other hand I will definitely come again again.”

Response:

My spelling may have issues on occasion, but you definitely have some grammar problems problems.

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Comment (excerpt):

“…Chubby cheeks, dark under eye circles and double chins could be the response to lack of exercise rather than eating a nicely balanced diet.”

Hydrating..Response:

Or they could be due to that really tasty wine I received for my birthday.  But the wine’s nearly gone, now, so the noted symptoms should pass, as well.

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 Comment:

“You could certainly see your expertise within the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. At all times follow your heart.”

Response:

Doesn’t that seem like a really nice comment?  Don’t I wish it were a legitimate comment?  But the fact that it was written on several different posts on the same day leads me to believe you’re not as sincere as I’d like.

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And then, there are those spammers who post essentially the same comment over and over again, but who at least try to make each version somewhat unique:

Comments:

“For one reason, I can’t see all of this article, it keeps disappearing? Are you using something crazy?”

– and –

“For some reason, I can’t see all of this article, stuff keeps disappearing? Are you utilising java?”

Response:

So far as I know, the only crazy thing I’m using is the WordPress editor – that gets crazier day by day.  Or maybe I just need another cup of java – extra strong.

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The snow has finally melted (please, God?).  Those of us in the northern climes are busy digging out and, in many cases, repairing damage caused by the extreme winter weather.  Everyone is looking forward to warmer, drier days.  Which will sprout up faster – May flowers, or May spammers?  Join me next month to find out.

 

 

(As usual, apologies to the appropriate commenter if any of the foregoing weren’t, in fact, spam.  I realize that some comments suffer in translation, and I try to take that into account when determining what is spam and what is legitimate.)

NOTE:  Because I’m lazy today, I’m delegating the above picture of Teddy Rosalie with Daffodil as my submission to today’s challenge by Marilyn Armstrong for the “A Serendipitous Photo Story Prompt #2  And it’s a good thing I took that photo yesterday, because today that daffodil is covered with snow (again).

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by:  Daniel Go, and Movement Six, and Cordelia’s Mom, respectively

Posted in Humor, Maintain It Up, Spam-Bam, Teddy Rosalie, That's Life | Tagged , , , | 25 Comments

And on the Eighth Day, God said …

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LET THERE BE BLOGGERS!

And Men and Women – old, young, tall, short, fat, thin – of all races and creeds came from many varied  and far-reaching lands and formed a World Within a World.

 

And God called them Bloggers and was pleased.

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But sometimes the Bloggers were confused.

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And sometimes they were sad.

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And sometimes they made God frown.

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But God’s forgiveness is always sweet.

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And so, my children, please come forthwith to our World Within a World, which we call the Blogosphere, and henceforth may ye create.

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The above post is in response to Marilyn Armstrong’s A Serendipitous Photo Story Prompt.”  Join the fun – post a photo and write a story, then link back to Marilyn Armstrong’s post.  The more, the merrier!

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I love to hear from my readers.  You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by: Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in Humor, Pets, Photography, Teddy Rosalie, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , , , | 45 Comments

BUREAUCRATS, BANANAS & BLUEBERRIES (Guest Post by Paul Curran)

Paul has eagerly volunteered to help me fill up my new Monday guest post slots.   Here are two great stories in one post.  Enjoy!

 

BUREAUCRATS, BANANAS & BLUEBERRIES

By: Paul Curran

PaulCurran

PortElizabeth1

Port Elizabeth Container Terminal

I exited Sealand’s huge Port Elizabeth container and break bulk terminal in Newark with an empty 40-foot refrigerated container. This was a very special container – I was to load the very first overseas shipment of IQF blueberries to be shipped by Sealand from a co-operative grower in eastern New Brunswick. But first I had to get the container to New Brunswick, so I headed north to Albany, NY to load bananas for Moncton. A banana boat from South America navigated the Hudson River each week and unloaded bananas for the eastern US and Canada from the central location of Albany.

Typically we hauled 1,100 cases of bananas per load, but our trailers were 45 feet long and the container was only 40 feet long, as well as being narrower and not as tall. As we were paid by the case, the smaller load would hurt my revenue but the guaranteed backhaul not an hour’s drive from the delivery point more than made up for the difference.

The banana loading went routinely, except they called me to the rear of the trailer just before they were done. To load the number of cases I wanted, they would have to have cases protruding about ½ inch beyond the door sill. To leave that row off would mean a smaller load and less pay. I told them to load it. The cardboard cases were quite flexible and I figured I could get the doors closed by compressing them.

bananas

Stacking Cases of Bananas

Once the truck was loaded, I enlisted the help of two fellow drivers and found a 6 x6x4-foot piece of wood on the dock. We closed the trailer doors as far as they would go – about 8 inches short of being latched, and then backed the trailer up to a concrete wall with the 6×6 braced between the wall and the door. Once the wood was jammed in between the doors and the wall, I used the engine power to back the truck up, compressing the cases until each door closed and latched. This would make opening the doors at the delivery problematic, but I had a plan for that.

At the border, the bananas were put in customs bond – which just meant Customs putting a seal on the trailer for inspection at the delivery rather than at the border. This is done, usually at the customer request, for different reasons – but in this case it was just a matter of having the paperwork processed at the delivery point so the customer could better control it. I called ahead with my ETA and arrived at 8 pm the following night, as arranged. Customs seals can only be broken by Customs Officers, so not long after my arrival, a Customs vehicle pulled up and I gave the paperwork to the officer. At this point the truck was parked in the lot while I awaited an unloading dock. I explained to the Officer what I had done to get the doors shut and told him they would pop open violently when unlatched. I wanted him to wait for 10 minutes until I could back into a dock and release the door latches while the dock pads restrained the doors. Then the truck could be pulled slowly away from the dock until the doors could be opened all the way.

CanadianCustomsBadge

Canadian Customs Badge

The Customs Officer was in a rush and he told me he would not wait. I told him he was free to open the doors at his own risk. He accused me of wanting him to remove the seal without inspecting the load – and that he suspected that I was smuggling something in the load. This just pissed me off (we did occasionally smuggle small stuff like a bottle of liquor, but never in the load as the company could lose their bond privileges) so I told him that it was entirely up to him. He cut the seal with a pocket knife and grabbed the first door latch. I stood way back.

As soon as the handle cleared the latch, there was a “Whoosh, Bang!” as the door flew open, knocking over the Officer and hitting the side of the trailer. With a loud rumbling, about 15 cases of bananas burst from the open doorway and fell on the Officer who was lying dazed on the ground behind the trailer. I rushed over and cleared the cases off the Officer and helped him up. He was scraped, but thankfully not seriously injured. He said nothing – just picked up the paperwork, signed and separated it, gave me my copies, limped to his car and drove away. I cleaned up the bananas, carefully opened the other door and got unloaded without further incident.

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I found my reload facility at about 1 am and backed into the single dock. Stripping down to my underwear, I climbed into bed and the next thing I heard was a banging at the door at 6 am. Getting up and leaning out into the cab I looked out the driver’s side window and there stood a slick looking young man with a suit and a big smile – almost eager looking.

The young man had polished black dress shoes, and you could shave with the crease in his pants. This was a rather odd sight to see standing in a dirt parking lot full of potholes, in a rural New Brunswick town. I slipped into the driver’s seat, and pressed the air powered window down button. With a whoosh and clunk, the window disappeared from the frame. The young man jumped back startled and stepped in a mud puddle. As I peered bleary eyed out the window in my underwear, he extricated himself from the puddle and introduced himself as Barry, the Sealand representative. Apparently he was there to make sure the very first load of frozen blueberries got loaded properly for overseas shipment. And he was going to instruct us on how to do that.

blueberries

Individually Quick Frozen (IQF) Blueberries

Always up for a lesson, I dressed and joined him in the parking lot. He had a folder full of paperwork and started rambling on in an excited tone about how we were at the beginning of a new era of shipping and this load was going to show how it was done. To me, it was a load of IQF (Individually Quick Frozen) blueberries in 40-pound cases. We walked up the stairs onto the concrete dock, where the warehouse supervisor was waiting. He told me the number of cases and weight and asked how I wanted it loaded. After a bit of discussion, he opened a large steel freezer door covered with hoar frost on the inside. His men started pulling out pallets of cases and wheeling them into the trailer as two other men were stacking the cases on the trailer floor.

I grabbed one of the cases randomly and stuck my stainless steel temperature probe into the carton about ½ way down so it went into the product. Barry asked what I was doing and I explained that I was taking the temperature of the blueberries. He objected that this was not the proper way to take the temperature, that I was only measuring the temperature between the berries, and said he would show me how to do it properly.

tempprobe

Temperature Probe

Opening the case, Barry parted the plastic bag in which the blueberries were held and picked up one small blueberry with his bare fingers. I didn’t say anything but just picking up the berry would change its temperature. Barry asked for my temperature probe – a stainless pen-like device with a sharp tip on one end and a temperature dial on the other end.

As the warehouse supervisor and I looked on in amazement, he held the little berry between his left thumb and forefinger and attempted to jab the probe in. The berry wasn’t much bigger than the tip of the probe, and the probe tip kept slipping off the blue frozen orb.  Getting frustrated, Barry then cupped the berry in the palm of his left hand while pressing the pointed probe tip harder and harder against its skin. His face was compressed into a look of concentration as he focused on the tiny berry.  Suddenly, he let out a yelp as the probe tip slipped off the berry, the berry shot from his hand and the probe tip buried itself in his palm. Throwing down the probe he cradled his left hand in his right and moaned as blood dripped from his punctured palm.

The supervisor led Barry off to find a first aid kit. That was the last I saw of him as we finished loading the container, sealed it up and I headed back to Newark, where it would head by ship overseas.

Blueberry

Rascally Little Blueberries

 

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Paul Curran and I love to hear from our readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Image links are included with photos for this post (click on picture)

Posted in Guest Posters, Paul Curran, Road Trips & Cars, That's Life | Tagged , , , , | 17 Comments

Yes, Virginia, there is a Blogging Community! (Or: It Takes A Blogosphere)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAG.O.D. has not only spoken, he has also given me maple sugar suckers!

For those of you who don’t know, G.O.D. is the Grumpy Old Dude (Archon from Archon’s Den).  Although I’m pretty sure I had not said anything online, I was feeling a little down about the fact that a number of my blogging acquaintances have recently closed up shop, some permanently.  In addition, it was my birthday this past Sunday, which I tried valiantly to ignore.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThen, on Monday, I brought in the day’s mail and found a Canadian post package from Archon.  How sweet (no pun intended) that he and his wife remembered how pleased I was at receiving maple sugar suckers when we met in October, 2014 (my, it’s been  six months already?!).

Later this year, I (and a companion to be chosen) will venture into Canada for another meet-and-greet with Archon and his wife.  In the process of planning the trip, numerous thoughts have been running through my brain (that happens sometimes).

Only a few years ago, I had no idea what a blog was, much less how to create one.  Had it not been for Cordelia paving the way, I still wouldn’t know.  Nor would I have had the courage to find out.

Because it does take courage.  Unless you’re an established writer/poet/ photographer/artist, opening up a blog is like your first day at a new high school.  You want so much to fit in, you hope everyone won’t make fun of you, you hope you will make at least one new friend.  Maybe you’re a little nervous about maneuvering from class to class post to post through unfamiliar hallways themes/pages.

Hang in ThereI was absolutely terrified.  The night before Cordelia published my first guest post, I awoke every few minutes with thoughts of, “Damn, I should have said…” or “Was that one stupid topic I picked, or what?” or “Why the hell did I let her talk me into this shit?

When I got my first post comment, I cried – someone actually read it!  And liked it!

The rest, of course, is history. And I have the blogging community to thank for it.

Yes, you can make friends through the blogosphere.  You can build emotional connections with people you have never talked to in person.

It starts with commenting on each other’s posts.  Maybe it’s followed by an email asking for blog advice.  Maybe you’re re-blogged by a more established blogger.  And finally, maybe you’re asked to guest post for another blogger, or another blogger asks to guest post for you!

There are well-known bloggers like Opinionated Man, who has been doing an incredible job of introducing newbies to the rest of the blogging world.  How he finds them is beyond me. How he found me at the beginning really boggles my mind – suddenly I was being followed by someone with (at that time) 40,000+ followers of his own?  Jeepers.

I had a slight advantage in that I began posting on an already established blog.  By the time I split off and established my own site, I already had a few readers.  I was thrilled when those readers followed me over, but secretly, I always wondered why.

So many times, I felt like giving upSo many times, I was sure that no one was reading, or that those who were reading were doing so only to laugh at my ineptness.

DoNotGiveUp

Early on, I received an email which stated, “Your blog is a gift I look forward to.”  It was a legitimate email, not spam, and I can’t express how that one sentence boosted my confidence and gave me the courage to continue.  And I did – I managed to bull my way in somehow.

I specifically remember the time I asked Cordelia if it was OK to comment on the blogs of people I don’t know.  I thought it was kind like walking into a restaurant and sitting down at a strange family’s table and taking over their conversation.  Really, I half expected some of the more experienced bloggers to reply to my comments with something like, “Get off my site, Newbie!”  That never happened.

From commenting on other sites, I advanced to picking up ideas from other sites.  Sometimes, I even did my own post linking back to another blogger’s earlier post.  Again, I expected objections, and again, I was accepted – not only accepted, but other bloggers began coming over to my site to see what was going on, and many of them decided to follow me while I was following them.

WorldViewsA year-and-a-half later, I can truthfully say that I have made numerous connections with other bloggers.  I have had the honor of meeting bloggers like Archon/G.O.D. in person and collaborating on posts with other bloggers.  People guest post for me, and I guest post for them.  There have been email exchanges with other bloggers, sometimes just to say “Hey, I haven’t seen a post in awhile, how are you doing?”

Recently, another blogger emailed me about plans to close up shop due to personal problems.  There are millions of bloggers in the world today, and that individual chose me and one other established blogger to whom to relay the news prior to posting about it.  It broke my heart, but at the same time, I felt very special that such a strong connection had been made.

And then, just last week, Doobster (of Mindful Digressions) announced that he is shutting down his blog, possibly permanently.  Doobster has been blogging for a long, long time, and we will all miss his posts.  Heck, I can’t even include a link here because his site has been designated as “private” and has disappeared from the list of blogs I follow.

While I am saddened by the discontinuance of the aforementioned blogs, I am pleased by the recent addition of followers and by the discovery of several new blogs that I can follow. And I am absolutely thrilled that, along with others, I have been able to provide a platform to people like Paul Curran (see Categories on the right-hand side of this page), who doesn’t have a blog of his own, but has so much talent to share with the world.

So long as I am blogging, and my blog is growing, I will make every effort to boost the confidence of newer arrivals, like others did for me when I was starting out.

We are all in this together.  We all help and support each other.  So far as I know, there have been very few reported cases of bloggers competing with each other or trying to sabotage another’s work.

And that’s the way it should be.  There’s plenty of room for everyone in the blogosphere, as long as they wish to stay.  To those who have opted to close up shop:  we will all miss you.

Now, to all you newbies – come on over and join the fun any time you want, and stay as long as you want.  That’s what it’s all about here in internet land.

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I love to hear from my readers.  You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com

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Images by: Cordelia’s Mom, and drneelesh, and Live Life Happy, and WordPress Statistics, respectively

Posted in Relationships, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments