THE WRITE STUFF (Guest Post by Vicky Vladic)

Posted on November 7, 2016 by cordeliasmom2012

On November 8, 2016, the People of the United States of America will be electing their next President.  Will they vote for the dictatorial old lunatic or the disreputable old biddy?  Or will they use that ever important write-in vote?  It will be an exciting day for sure!

In some parts of the world, it’s already November 8, and there are equally important events to celebrate.  I’m honored to welcome Vicky Vladic of the blog  vsomethingspeaks as today’s guest poster.  Is it mere coincidence that the U.S. Presidential Election is on the same day as the birth of Bram Stoker, the author of Dracula?  I think not.

To all my U.S. readers – don’t forget to vote on November 8, and be sure to write-in Cordelia’s Mom a/k/a CookieCakes for President.

I am Cordelia’s Mom, and I approve of this post.

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THE WRITE STUFF

By Vicky Vladic

November 8 is a very important day to me. It’s the birthday of Irish author Bram Stoker. Every year I celebrate his birthday in November and his death day on April 20. Bram Stoker has been a huge influence on my life. His character Dracula has been a driving force throughout my life. I don’t know where I would be or what career I would have chosen if I hadn’t met Dracula at a very young age!

I was a child when I first snuck into our lounge room while my older brother was watching a Hammer Horror movie. When I saw Christopher Lee as Dracula, I was hooked. His charismatic portrayal of the vampire Count inspired me to study vampires. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I had one answer – a vampirologist!

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During my turbulent teens, I left school and home early and embarked on a life filled with punk rock music and lots of alcohol. But the shadow of the vampire was always with me. My favourite band was The Damned. I loved their music, but I particularly loved their vampiric lead singer. The former grave digger even changed his last name to Vanian – a play on Transylvanian. I also stocked my book shelves with vampire books and watched everything I could with vampires in it. After years of living like this, I did the one thing I never thought I would – I went back to school.

Inspired by a horror film course being offered at a local university, I went back and finished high school and then applied to university. I was so shocked and so happy when they accepted me. The book report I had to write was on Anne Rice’s Interview With The Vampire 🙂 They knew what they were getting! But vampires weren’t the only things I discovered at university. Somewhere on my academic journey, I started studying tarot. I also joined a witches coven and eventually became a Wiccan priestess.

I loved combining my esoteric pursuits with my academic ones. I did my honours thesis on Bram Stoker’s novels Dracula and The Lair of the White Worm. I predominately focussed on hermaphroditic imagery. I fully expected to do my PhD on cinematic vampires but the faculty thought it would be hilarious to have a real witch do a thesis on cinematic witches. I thought it would be funny too. I laughed for the first few years – but after eight years, I wasn’t laughing anymore. In fact, I was exhausted! My dreams of becoming a vampirologist were slowing fading as thoughts of an academic career took hold. The money would be good and I loved university – didn’t I?

As my thesis slowly ground to a successful end, I started having dreams about vampires. An elegant, masculine white hand with long, tapered fingernails and a frilled sleeve would dip a quill into an ink pot and write. He wrote many things, but mainly he invited me to come home. My imaginary vampires missed me and they wanted me back. What could I do? The only thing I could do. I graduated, then left the world of universities and academia behind.

count-of-knivesRekindling my childhood desire to be a vampirologist, I went to work on something I had wanted to create ever since I first touched a tarot deck. With the help of artist Anna Gerraty, The Dracula Tarot was born. The book and deck interpret Bram Stoker’s novel through the medium of tarot. There are many vampire tarot decks out there, but only one Dracula Tarot! While I consider myself a vampirologist, I’ll have to get a few a more vampire books under my belt – and I certainly have many ideas.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t listened to my vampire muse. While I have no regrets, I also have very little money. That is the one downside of pursuing a freelance writing career. The chances of being financially secure are very slim. But it was Bram Stoker’s creation which inspired me, and he didn’t live long enough to discover how important his novel Dracula would be. While I don’t expect to create anything as ground-breaking as Dracula, I can always dream 🙂

I’m currently working on a cupcake cookbook with Anne Belov – creator of The Panda Chronicles, I’m also finishing an esoteric cookbook. Next year I’ll be starting work on my follow up to the Dracula Tarot – and yes it will be about vampires!

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Vicky Vladic and I love to hear from our readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by Vicky Vladic (get your copy of The Dracula Tarot now! – click here for the book, and here for the tarot deck)

 

Posted in Guest Posters, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The Best Candidate Ever!

Posted on November 6, 2016 by cordeliasmom2012

Because it’s Sunday and I’m out of ideas for the main blog, Not CM has once again taken over the computer …

cordeliasmom2012's avatarNot Cordelia's Mom

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAHave you wondered where I’ve been?  Missed me? Well, of course, you have!

I’ve been hard at work on the campaign trail.  No, I won’t tell you which candidate – because I don’t want to influence your vote.  But I will tell you this.  No matter who wins, you can be sure that:

◊  Whichever candidate is elected, it will be the one you hate the most.  I’m working hard to make that happen.

◊  Your personal financial situation will not get better and in all likelihood will get worse, especially if you are in the Middle Class.  I have no sympathy – not my fault you’re not rich like me.

◊  You know that health insurance plan you were all excited about just a few years ago?  Well, it’s about to become way more expensive with way less coverage.  Suck it up, all you little people.

◊  Want to…

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Posted in Humor, Not Cordelia's Mom, Re-Blogs, That's Life | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Customer [Dis]Service: Crossing Over

Posted on November 3, 2016 by cordeliasmom2012

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We’ve all been there, done that.  Called that 800 number, only to discover that the person on the other end of the line does not normally speak our language, but is trying really hard.

Many years ago, my job involved estates and trusts work and often required me to call various banks and financial companies to get account information or date-of-death values.  I really hated that part of my job – my own checkbook hasn’t balanced in 40 years, and I barely understand the difference between a stock and a bond, nor do I know anything about annuities or life insurance.  (And I do not care to learn, so all you investment bankers and money managers can stop bothering me!)

Knowing what to ask during such calls is half the battle – having to deal with a customer service rep who is not fluent in English doesn’t help

On one memorable occasion, I needed to call for account information on our newest estate, let’s call the decedent John Jones. I dutifully called the 800 number listed on the financial statement provided by Mr. Jones’ executor.  And the conversation went like this:

ME:  Hi, I’m CookieCakes, and I’m calling from Alpha Beta Esquires.  We’re the attorneys for the Estate of John Jones.  We need to close out the account.

CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE (hereinafter referred to as CSR):  Are you Mrs. Jones?

ME:  No, we’re representing Mr. Jones’ estate.

CSR:  I can’t give you any information.  I need to speak with Mr. Jones.

ME:  Mr. Jones is deceased.

CSR:  Could you have Mr. Jones come to the phone so I can speak with him?

ME:  No, I can’t.  Mr. Jones is deceased.

CSR:  Oh, I see.  When will Mr. Jones be available to come to the phone?

ME:  He can’t come to the phone.  He’s deceased.

CSR:  I’m sorry.  I can’t give you account information.  I need to speak to Mr. Jones.  Please have him call.

At which point I totally lost it.

ME:  Mr. Jones. Can’t. Call.  Mr. Jones is – DEAD !!!

There was a brief pause while the CSR considered whether or not to hang up on the loony American lady (or whether to simply link her to one of the other incoming callers), but finally –

CSR:  Oh, I see.  Let me connect you with our Estates Department.

Lordy, isn’t that what I was trying to do all along?

In hindsight, maybe the CSR simply couldn’t understand my East Coast American accent.  When I recently relayed this story to one of my new co-workers, he said, “Maybe the guy thought you said ‘diseased‘ and just thought Mr. Jones would be available once he recovered.”

There’s always a different way to look at something, isn’t there?

Either way, it’s a funny story.  And yes, once transferred to the Estates Department, I found myself talking to someone in my own country who understood that dead people don’t make phone calls.

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in Humor, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments

Customer [Dis]Service

Posted on October 28, 2016 by cordeliasmom2012

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It’s one for the books, alright.  At least for someone’s book, maybe even for my book if I ever get around to writing it.

In my job as a real estate paralegal, I try really hard to keep my clients happy and to make the sale process as painless as possible.  Recently, I’ve been working with a client who is selling his mother’s house because mom is now in assisted living.  The client lives in another state and is dealing with the household issues as best he can.

There’s an open home equity line of credit on the house, and apparently my client doesn’t have the money to keep making the monthly payments.  It wouldn’t have been as much of an issue if the sale had closed when it was supposed to – but due to New York’s recently changed banking laws, every single deal I handle gets delayed by the buyer’s mortgage lender.  Sometimes the delay runs into weeks or even months, rather than days.

Thus, my client has been receiving calls from the bank that holds the home equity loan on his mother’s house.  Sure, he sent them the sale contract, and sure he assures them on every call that closing is imminent and the loan will be paid off in full, but they want their money now.  They have begun threatening collection litigation.

The client called me and asked if I could maybe call the lender and explain that the sale will, in fact, be closing soon.  He had the name and direct phone number of the last person he spoke with in the collection department.  Sure, I said, I could do that; maybe it would help, maybe not, but I would make the effort.

So, I got on the phone.  I called the direct phone number and reached the same person with whom my client had previously spoken.  Let’s call the collection person Gary simply for the sake of having a name, even a fictitious name.  (Hey, gotta protect the guilty, right?).

I was very pleased that Gary spoke real English – in fact, he seemed to be based right here in my very own country!  Maybe even on the same coast, judging by his mid-Atlantic accent. Maybe this was one of the good banks which actually cares about its customers!

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Gary had no idea whatsoever why I was calling him.  He had no memory of ever speaking with my client and no recollection of ever dealing with this particular home equity loan.  In fact, he doesn’t even handle home equity loans!   Gary seemed to have a bit of an attitude and, judging from the sighs, appeared to have already had a long, stressful day dealing with lunatic paralegals and idiotic customers.  But in an effort to appease me, he would transfer me to the home equity servicing department and was sure they could assist me.

Gary put the call on hold, or so he said.  I waited and waited – and waited, through the silence.  Or was it silent?  I could hear papers being shuffled and someone breathing, and I swear an occasional sound of chewing came across the phone line.  After about 10 minutes, I couldn’t stand it anymore, and asked “Are you still there?”

The response came in a little old-lady voice:  “Yes, I’m still here.”

Say what?

“Is this the home equity department?”  I asked.

The old-lady voice replied, “Is this the bank?”

You might have guessed where this was going – Gary had somehow managed to connect my call to another incoming call.  The lunatic paralegal and idiotic customer were, in fact, talking to each other!

What a spectacular idea!  Have the stupid callers complain to one another while the customer (dis)service representative sits back and laughs, or suddenly decides it’s time for his coffee or cigarette break.

I’d like to give poor Gary the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe he was so tired that he simply made an error. But really, how do you manage to connect two incoming callers accidentally?  I can’t even do a conference call when it’s necessary.  I usually manage to drop at least one of the lines while trying to conference in the other.

What do you think?  Was Gary sly like a fox, or merely incompetent?

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Soon, very soon, I will have another, even better, customer (dis)service story.  Stick around.

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in Humor, Photography, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , , , | 33 Comments