Cordelia's Mom, Still

Cotton Balls

Posted on November 21, 2013 by cordeliasmom2012

*sigh*

Get your minds out of the gutter, people. This is not going to be another story about playing games at a family get-together. That one didn’t go over particularly well – maybe it was the shock (Cordelia’s Mom wrote about WHAT?!), or maybe no one was reading much of anything on a mid-October weekend.

In any event, what happened is this: I was pretty much out of ideas for posts. After showering, I happened to notice the very nice glass container full of cotton balls in our bathroom.

Humph, I thought. Cotton balls. There must be something I can write about using that, and I don’t recall seeing any other blog posts talking about cotton balls. Unique is good, right?

So, what can you do with cotton balls? Well, obviously, you can soak them in alcohol or sudsy water or whatever to clean things. You can use them with nail polish remover to return your nails to their natural condition or to prepare them for that neon blue polish you’ve always wanted to try.

You can use cotton balls to plug up ears and bloody noses. (Gross is good in blog posts, right?)

Lots of craft projects use cotton balls, but the only one I can think of off the top of my head is: SNOWMEN (you know, 3 cotton balls, glue, a couple of toothpicks, and a black magic marker).

Of course, the word “cotton” makes me think of other things, too. Do they still make that body wash with the “fresh cotton” scent? What’s that supposed to mean, anyway? Isn’t all cotton “fresh” (well, at least until worn, or used for bloody noses) (Double gross is even better, right?)

And then, there is – cotton CANDY. Who doesn’t like cotton candy? It comes in all those pretty colors, which make you think it might also be different flavors, but of course, all cotton candy just tastes like PURE SUGAR! Yummm!

Let’s see, what else has the word cotton in it? Well, we know what Google’s for, don’t we?

There are a bunch of actors with the last name Cotton. The only one I ever recall seeing in a movie was Joseph Cotton, because as a kid I loved watching Alfred Hitchcock Presents on TV.

Wasn’t there once a racehouse whose name included the word Cotton? Let’s search that – whoopee, I just won 3 Swagbucks for that search! But no results for a horse named Cotton.

***

Of course, for those of you who haven’t figured it out yet – the foregoing is meant to demonstrate how ideas can come from anywhere and anything.

(Well, I must blushingly admit that the foregoing actually did start off as absolute panic from not having a single thought as to what I could write about. Funny how things get turned around sometimes, isn’t it?)

If this post gleans any interest, I may start taking some serious looks at other ordinary household items. The comedian,Tim Conway, once did a hilarious skit about SaranWrap. It was one of the funniest comedy acts I think I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find a link to that skit to post here.

But it just goes to show that pretty much any ordinary household item or product can be turned into a very funny story.

Anyone want to hear my views on ………. (nuts, my mind just went blank! Time to start touring my house again.)

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As always, I love to hear from my readers. You may either comment on this post, or email me at: cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by: Bisayan lady, and Megumie, and Celestine Chua, respectively

Posted in Household Items, Humor, That's Life | Tagged blogging, cotton balls, ideas, writing | 19 Comments

SPECIAL EDITION!

Posted on November 19, 2013 by cordeliasmom2012

Above image by Andrew Tarvin

***

I just have to share a post with my readers — it ties in so well with my October 22 post on statistics. The following was published just this morning (November 19, 2013) on Cordelia Calls It Quits and is being re-blogged here with permission from Kelly Gurnett:

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Why Healthcare.gov Batkid Kale Means Icognito iPhone Thor

Steampunk gear, pointing (Assemble your own trending keyword title here!)

In blogging, and in life, there are certain rules people expect to follow for guaranteed “success.”

In blogging, these rules include such things as: maximizing your title with the top trending SEO keywords (estimated time to accomplish: 15-30 mins./post), micro-analyzing your site stats to understand every possible way your audience is finding you (30 mins. – 1 hr./day everyday), and A/B split testing your email subject lines to make sure every single message you send out reaches the highest percentage of your email list (15-30 mins./post).

In life, these rules include such things as: schlumping through a mediocre job to pay the bills (40-50 years/life); marrying someone, producing children, and paying down a mortgage (the rest of your life from your 20s-onward); and incurring lots of debt to keep up with the Joneses (life + infinity years).

In blogging, and in life, plenty of people have found “success” with these methods—some of that success being legitimate and snarky-quote-mark-free. And plenty of other people have wasted hours to whole lifetimes chasing formulas they don’t even care about, for results they don’t even want.

Real success (the snarky-quote-mark-free kind) comes from knowing what your ultimate end game is. Defining what success looks like you to, then reverse engineering the steps it will take to get you there. That’s the only thing to really guarantee a semblance of happiness.

All the rest? Is a completely waste of time.

The Blogging Application

There are plenty of blogs whose sole purpose is to gain market share, ascend the Google page ranks, and then monetize like crazy. I moonlight as a digital ad broker, and I’ve got a portfolio full of sites that accept sponsored posts on casino gambling and banner ads for whatever will pay them. And I am totally cool with their doing this. Because they’re running their blogs as revenue machines, and it’s working. More power to them.

There are also blogs that aim to be the go-to resource for subject matter expertise (see: Copyblogger, etc.). For them, researching top SEO keywords and extensive audience analysis is just smart business. Copyblogger is a damn fine site, and hella useful. They walk the line nicely between massive traffic-capturing and the importance of quality content, and for what they want to be, they are killing it.

Then, there are blogs that couldn’t give a crap about SEO relevance and have done pretty darn well on their own strategy of being unlike anything else that’s out there (see: The Middle Finger Project, et al.) I doubt Ash Ambirge sits down with Google Analytics before writing each post to make sure she’s speaking to 83% of her audience instead of just 82%. I doubt she cares that she’s a page rank 4 instead of a page rank 7. She writes what she thinks needs to be heard, and she writes it in a way only she can write. And because of that, she’s the first answer half the bloggers in existence give when you ask them who they aspire to be like.

As long as you know which kind of blog you want to be, go forth and conquer. Rock the hell out of that strategy, as long as it’s what you really want.

The trouble comes in when you don’t know what kind of blog you really want to be (or you don’t think the kind of blog you want to be is good enough). When you secretly long to share a life-changing message with the world, but you get tied up spending your writing time researching THE hottest Twitter topic right now so you can write a blog post around it in the hopes it gets you a few new readers. When you obsess over analytics and bounce rates and split testing rather than infusing the most awesome you-ness you possibly can into each and every post.

When you get caught up in all the ought-to-be-doings and lose site of why you even began blogging in the first place, that’s when things get shitty.

That’s when your blog reaches no one, and you have no fun doing it.

The Life Application

Much as above, a case can be made for any or all of these life paths/events: working a traditional 9-5, climbing the corporate ladder, going to college, going to grad school, getting married, having kids, starting your own business, buying a house, living out of a backpack, buying super-cool gadgets, owning nothing but 1 pair of pants and some sandals.

All of these are perfectly valid ways to go with your life, and any combination of all or none of the above has the potential to make some people legitimately happy. You just have to know what kind of person you are.

Because life, just like blogging, is not a paint-by-numbers equation. You can’t assemble the right number of items in the right order like The Game of Life (which, by the way, sucks) and expect to be magically happy.

Because there are no right items, and there is no right order. It’s all about knowing what you define as a “successful” life, and choosing to pursue the things that will create that success.

That’s the one and only way to go.

So, what’s your success? And how’re you gonna chase it?

Image: Curious Expeditions ______________________________________________________________ CORDELIA’S MOM’S COMMENT ON THE ABOVE:

“Gee, almost sounds like you’re trying to give me hell for MY statistics post (https://cordeliasmomstill.com/2…) God knows some of my own readers gave me hell. But they were right. While everyone wants to know who their readers are, obsession over the statistics is not helpful. I think I’ve gotten past that now – maybe.
However, if being ME turns out to not be good enough, then I want to be Ash
Ambirge, Jessica Manuszak or Abby Heugel. I would give my eye teeth (yes, I
still have them) to write the way they do.”

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NOTE FROM CORDELIA’S MOM: The above is my very first re-post! Are you impressed?

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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment here, or on Cordelia’s website, or you may email me at: cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

Posted in That's Life | Tagged blogging, doing your own thing, following your dreams, happiness, living on your own terms, statistics, writing | 10 Comments

That Ship Is Getting Closer …

Posted on November 14, 2013 by cordeliasmom2012

“… Lou padded to the kitchen for some cold cranberry juice and a four-pack of SnackWell’s vanilla cookies.”

*gasp* ….. *I* eat SnackWell’s cookies and drink cranberry juice! Michael Palmer must have been writing (in code, of course), to ME!

It’s just a matter of time now before Michael Palmer’s publisher reaches out to invite me to join Mr. Palmer and all those other successful authors in compiling massive amounts of money!

I will sell the post-war suburban saltbox I live in, and buy that mansion with the thousand acres and the requisite staff to maintain it and keep it secure! I will pay off every penny of my kids’ debts so they can have a better life than me! I will buy SnackWell’s by the CASE instead of by the PACKAGE!

Oh, and I will finally buy the pony I’ve dreamed of since I was 4 years old.

***

So nice to dream isn’t it?

It’s amazing how one minor reference to a common American commodity can create a bond with one’s readers. Of course, I’m not totally naïve – I realize that’s what advertising is all about.

But I still get a little excited every time I read a novel or see a movie and find some reference to something I do, buy, or use in my everyday life.

Maybe the store I go to has a WHOLE SHELF of various SnackWell’s cookies, but somehow I still think that I’m the only one eating them. Is my need to feel unique any different than what others feel?

We all have a need to feel special.

Some of us are able to satisfy that need through art, writing, music, etc. Some are special because of their chosen careers. Some are special only to their loved ones – but that, in my mind anyway, is the most important “special” of all.

However, I don’t think any one of us is truly unique.

In fact, even this post isn’t unique. I’m sure this topic has been covered hundreds, if not thousands, of times.

click image to enlarge

Heck, I realized how truly un-unique I am during that whole Kindles Singles experience.

But in my mind, my perspective – and my way of presenting it – IS unique, or at least very special. If I didn’t think that way, I would have quit writing already.

If nothing else, there is absolutely NO ONE else who is writing a blog entitled “Cordelia’s Mom, Still” and there is NO ONE else who writes the guest series “Cordelia’s Mom Is Still Hanging In There.”

I am the only “Cordelia’s Mom” connected to those two blogs who has received those glowing reader comments and replies to my comments on other people’s posts (where some bloggers have even given me the nickname CM, making me feel extra special, thank you.)

For now, I am content with being special to my steadily growing readership.

For now, the mansion and pony can wait.

For now, I am happy just being me – a newly minted WRITER, steadily plugging along.

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As always, I love to hear from my readers. You may either comment on this post, or email me at: cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com

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Images by: mr-football, and jaci Lopex dos Santos/jaciXIII, and Wendi Pilling/theclipartkid, respectively