Hot Browsing

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASometimes Paul Curran makes me laugh, and sometimes he reminds me of my own stories. Recently, he did both.

In his recent post on Mark Bialczak’s blog, Paul talked about his experience with porn sites. Like most of you, I was totally shocked [if you believe that, I have a bridge I can sell you] that Paul would go onto porn sites, but then, Paul is a man and men are pigs [as most women know, and accept].

Paul’s story reminded me of my own family’s very first computer. For years, we had fought against getting a computer, despite the kids coming home every other day and telling us that all their friends had them. This was back in the early 1980s when computers were not a necessity in every household.

Eventually, we gave in – and I became the computer guru in our house.

For those who don’t remember, in the earlier days of personal computers, it was necessary to periodically manually delete cookies and browsing history. So, one fine weekend morning, I set about to do just that.

When I pulled up the browsing history, I noted quite a few sites with the word “pussy” in them. My first thought was that one of the kids was doing a project on kittens. Until I checked one of the sites.

Uh, huh.

The browsing history got deleted real fast.

While speaking with my husband the next morning, I managed to bring the conversation around to computers.   Calmly, I asked, “Did you know that it’s possible to find out every site everyone visited while on the computer?” He didn’t say a word. I continued, “So if someone’s been somewhere they maybe shouldn’t have been, it would be wise to delete the browsing history right away before the kids find those sites.” And I explained how to do so.

He promised it was a one-time occurrence because it was a new computer and he was curious, and that it would never happen again.

I believed he was keeping his word – until the day the computer froze up because it had somehow or other downloaded a virus. From the type of virus, it was quite easy to figure out what type of site it came from.

Hubby had to take the computer to the local Best Buy and pay to have the virus removed. Fortunately, they were able to do so. That time. The next time it happened, I had to buy a new computer.

After that, I bought my husband his very own laptop. No longer was he allowed on my desktop PC.

FBIThings went along well enough for a year or so, until his laptop somehow managed to download one of those viruses which instructs the user that the FBI has caught him in an illegal act and that he must go immediately to the nearest corner store and buy a cash card to pay the fee. The cash card information is to be entered into the box on the virus-controlled screen specifically set up for that purpose.

Hubby didn’t tell me about it until the next day when his computer insisted on booting up with that same screen still running. Fortunately, he hadn’t purchased a cash card, but only because the corner store was closed at that time of night.

I laughed my ass off, then went onto my own computer and pulled up the official FBI website, which explained how the look-a-like site worked.   But did hubby get off scot-free? Not on your life. He was the one who had to take the laptop to Best Buy to have them clean out the virus [again].

He encountered quite a long line at Best Buy. Apparently, on the same evening, a whole bunch of people managed to download “FBI” viruses, including a couple of sweet-looking little old ladies. Sheesh, people, don’t you have anything better to do in the wee hours of the morning?

Household technology has been running smoothly for awhile now, but I’m not letting my guard down. After all, men are pigs – most at least some of the time.

And I suppose I could download a virus myself someday considering all the spam comments I receive. If that happens, I’ll just quietly go out and buy myself a new computer without telling Hubby about it. I don’t need his snide remarks.


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Images by Cordelia’s Mom, and Ben R, respectively

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27 Responses to Hot Browsing

  1. candygai says:

    CordeliasMom, Thank you Thank you Thank you. I do believe you just explained some of the mysteries and cuss words coming from the spare bedroom Voldy (my ex) used as his office. I myself became computer acquainted rather late. Late in life and late to the party.

    In just the past few years I became acquainted with computers, and then later smart phones. Neither my daughter or her father felt it necessary to share their computer; so, when divorce was imminent I had to learn on my own. I went to
    graduate school as well. I have embraced the characteristic I call techno-flow. Instead of having what comedian Eddie Izzard calls techo-joy or techno-fear, I have technology go-with-the-flow. Occasionally I still have fear. Rarely I have techno-joy. Most of the time I proudly, especially given the circumstances, have techno-flow. I just embrace the ups-and-downs of both technology and life, and flow with these two forces. I hope that I make wise life decisions. that I take advantage of the opportunites and experiences to flow.

    CordeliasMom, this is a wonderfully rich portrait of a loving relationship. A reflection of a marriage that works, despite our our human falliblities, and the need for a sense of humor in our loving relationships. Of course you and your husband are still together after all these years. You two love each other, appreciate each other, and allow each other to be imperfect. It makes sense Cordelia made a choice to buck the system. She was raised by a confident woman in a confident relationship. Ithe is likely your other two offspring are remarkable in their own manner.

    Thank you Thank you Thank you fjord or this insight into my marriage. #this explains


  2. markbialczak says:

    Don’t ask. Don’t tell. Have great virus protection software. Jeeeez Louise, CM. No, I did not. Seriously. What trials and tribulations you two went through in the web site world. Hubby gave you a really entertaining blog post.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Elyse says:

    Shortly after we had moved back to the U.S., I was helping my then 11-year old son find out information on the White House. Naturally, we went to www. WhiteHouse. com. It was not precisely what I expected. It was an incredibly nasty porn site, that I found with my 11 year old. Can you say “awkward”? The next thing I learned was exactly how to block stuff like that!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. garym6059 says:

    What a rookie! Falling for the F.B.I. thing is downright hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Paul says:

    Haruumph! I suppose, if I can’t be used for anything else I can always be used as a bad example. ha! “Men are pigs”? Phuuuleaase CM, I was providing a public service by alerting the otherwise unaware audience of the darker side of the interwebs – or as Sun Tzu famously said – keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Ha! Some years ago my wife’s daughter, who was about 12 at the time, was a huge fan of the Spice Girls. When we first got a computer at home her first search was “Spice Girls”. I wasn’t paying much attention (the computer was set up in the dining room so the screen could be easily seen by my wife or I when passing if we looked) and she came to me and asked what she had done wrong. I went to look and realized that her search had returned about 1 million porn sites with “spicy” girls. AArgh! Anyway, I explained to her what had happened and suggested she use her heroes’ names rather than the group name.

    Thanks for the mention CM. This was a fun post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul, of course I didn’t mean that YOU are a pig. I’m sure you have never in your life deliberately looked at a porn site, or at a naked stranger for that matter (what was that story about those two girls taking their tops off on the highway next to your truck?). 🙂

      I had to laugh at your Spice Girls story. I knew as soon as I saw that search name what was probably going to happen. I once wanted to find a picture of a bunny – not all the pictures that came up were of a cute, furry animal with a cottontail, although many pictures did show fur and tails.

      Thanks for being who you are – I knew you would take my post in stride.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Men like porn. All of them. Mine, yours, all of them. They are wired differently. I think the fear of viruses is the only thing that keeps them in check 🙂 I don’t think pigs are interested in porn, so you should stop maligning pigs.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dan Antion says:

    Fun post. Back in those early days, I was the one who would have laptops left on my desk at work with a note saying: “not sure what happened…stopped working” We have filters in place, but things still happen, sometimes from legitimate sites.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Reminds me of a work colleague whose partner was forever ringing the porn lines. She’d been getting horrendous bills and so went on to itemised billing. He denied it of course, but would have been in his element when she bought a computer!


    • Yes, it’s a little harder to hide phone calls. On the other hand, these days everyone has his or her own cell phone or smart phone, so maybe it’s just as easy as a laptop. All I know is that porn is a very profitable business, for those who have no scruples.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Great post, CM, this stuff comes up in every family…Great to address it with a sense of humor. We can only laugh at ourselves. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Barry says:

    As I mentioned in a comment on Paul’s post, I made the mistake many years ago of searching for “Japanese Schoolgirls”, while searching for information for a school trip my wife was organising, and quickly realised I was more innocent than I thought! These days I use a service provided by OpenDNS to reduce the chances of seeing something I wish I hadn’t.

    That fake FBI virus, can be picked up from a lot more than porn sites. Perfectly innocent sites can be hacked so that any visitor is infected. I know of one case where it almost resulted in divorce when the warning popped up after the wife started up their computer. She assumed that her husband had been browsing porn sites. It turned out that the wife was responsible when she visited a quilting website which had been infected with the virus.

    Now I’m going to make what sounds like a stupid statement: I don’t have any antivirus software installed on any of the computers in our home. I’m not being reckless. I don’t run Windows. I’ve been a devoted Linux user for over 10 years, and as yet there are no viruses circulating that can infect Linux powered computers if you maintain a firewall on your network.


    • Yes, the FBI virus can be picked up from sites other than porn sites. But it wouldn’t have made as funny a post.

      It seems like these days, even the most innocuous search term will come up with some inappropriate sites. And sometimes it works the other way around – I once had someone find my site after searching for what I assumed was a porn term (I won’t repeat it here). I never did figure that one out.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Archon's Den says:

    LadyRyl has a crafty-couple of friends. She makes lace. He uses stainless steel rings to make chain-mail armour. She looked up ‘Lace’, and almost fainted. He researched ‘Chain-mail’, and she had to drag him out for supper. 😛


  12. Reblogged this on Cordelia's Mom, Still and commented:

    I totally forgot this old post (hard to believe, I know). As I face a near future of no internet for several days, I will look fondly back on my early computer experiences. Enjoy this story – and be sure to click over and read Paul Curran’s story on Mark Bialczak’s site.


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