Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am (July 2014)

The above title is apparently irresistible to my readers.  Welcome to the newest feature of this blog (definitely something to look forward to each month!)

InsertJokeHereI find it amusing that everyone loves my responses to spammers, given the fact that I am one of those people who gets involved in an altercation of some kind and then several hours later thinks:  “Damn, I should have said …” 

I’ve noticed that some comments which have found their way into my spam filter are ones that appear to offer me payment for either guest posting or linking back to the commenter’s website.  I assume these comments are, in fact spam, but please note:

If you legitimately wish me to guest post, or to write an article for your website, please send me an email with the details (

And so, on to this month’s edition of Snarks ‘R Us (well, I think that title is cute, even if no one else does).

(As usual, apologies to the appropriate commenter if any of the following weren’t, in fact, spam.  I realize that some comments suffer in translation, and I try to take that into account when determining what is spam and what is legitimate.)



“I create a comment each time I like a article on a site or I have something to contribute to the discussion. It’s caused by the passion displayed in the article I browsed. And on this article More Fun With Spam | Cordelia’s Mom, Still. I was excited enough to write a comment :) I do have 2 questions for you if you tend not to mind. Could it be just me or do a few of the remarks appear like they are written by brain dead visitors? :-P And, if you are posting on other online sites, I would like to keep up with anything fresh you have to post. Would you list all of all your public pages like your linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter feed?”


Gotta love this one – a spammer commenting on my responses to spammers!  And yes, more than a few of the remarks appear like they are written by brain dead visitors.  Actually, some of my legitimate comments seem to fall into that category, as well.  By the way, there is a button on my home page to link to my Facebook page, but I don’t have a Twitter feed.  So sorry.



BrainOff“The account aided me a appropriate deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided shiny clear  idea”


Speaking of brain dead …



“Hi would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re utilizing?
I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different web browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you recommend a good hosting provider at a reasonable price? Kudos, I appreciate it!”


You do realize, of course, that you found me on the FREE site?



“Its like you read my thoughts! You seem to understand a lot approximately this, like you wrote the ebook in it or something.  I think that you just can do with some p.c. to drive the message hous a little bit, however instead of that, this is fantastic blog. A fantastic read. I will certainly be back.”


I am reading your thoughts, and they tell me that you will, in fact, be back – probably with the same comment on several other posts, maybe more than once.



“what means lol”


Leaping Over Lollipops.  (You should use it every chance you get.)



“Thank you so much for this! I havent been this moved by a blog for quite some time! Youve got it, whatever that means in blogging. Well, You are definitely someone that has something to say that people should hear. Keep up the good work. Keep on inspiring the people!”


I so wish this wasn’t a spam comment, but the fact that you attempted to put it on my post about wishing I were somewhere else, while at the same time claiming you were “moved” by that silly post, would seem to indicate that WordPress was right to relegate this comment to the spam folder.  Feel free to try again!



“The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as significantly as this 1. I mean, I know it was my option to read, but I really thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is often a bunch of whining about some thing that you simply could fix when you werent too busy looking for attention.”



Puppy Cody

Well, this one just breaks my heart.  I am just so sorry that you thought I was whining when I wrote about the excitement of finding my new puppy at the SPCA.  The puppy sure was looking for attention, though, which is why I took her home.  Maybe you’ll find one of my future posts worthy of your interest; actually, I’m sure you will and that you will have another appropriate comment at that time.


There are just too many spam comments to include them all.  Watch for more CookieCakes snarkiness in August!


I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook page, or email me at


Images by: Mykl Reventine, and Dave King, and Mary(n_n)West, and Cordelia’s Mom, respectively

Posted in Maintain It Up, Spam-Bam, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

One Wayward Dreamer

I am very happy to present a guest post by Oliver C. Damon, owner of the blog, Chronicle of a Wayward Son:



By:  Oliver C. Damon


Photo from

First, let me say I’m honored to have a spot as a guest blogger on this very fine blog. Thanks, Cordelia’s Mom, for the opportunity!


“Nah, nah! You’re just a dreamer!”

Yes. Yes, I am, thank you very much. This image is a Japanese kanji symbol that means “dream”. I happen to have it tattooed on my shoulder. Why?

Because dreaming is both my blessing and my curse.

Let me try to explain.

The Upside

Somebody once told me derisively that I am a dreamer. It was meant to be an insult because I’m always thinking of things to do and create. Most of these things never come to fruition because they are just that: dreams. That’s ok because the act of dreaming up something is, in itself, useful to me.

If you are like me and born with a nearly uncontrollable urge to create, you dream out loud. You think up stuff and “what if” to others because you want to share. Most of the things I dream up are things I never intend to follow through on. They are nothing more than creative exercises for my brain. They are a way to expend some of my restless mental energy and indulge my urge to express my creativity. I’m actually quite proud that I’m a dreamer in that regard because that’s how God wired my brain. He’s the greatest creator of all and although my efforts pale in comparison to the vast universe and diversity of life that that are His handiwork, that still puts me in some pretty good company.


Dream-Island – by Jeremy Hlebert

Being a creative person and a dreamer means I spend a lot of time building things in my head. If I’m thinking about putting in a flower garden in my back yard, I daydream it through. I go over every detail from the type of seeds I will plant to the brand of soil I’ll need to the type of wood I have to buy for the raised planter boxes. I even detail it out to the nails I’ll use to put it together. All of that means I’m also thinking of what tools I need which makes me think of what I already have in my inventory. I see myself in Home Depot selecting the things I’ll need for the project. It really doesn’t matter that where I live right now doesn’t have any space for said garden. I’m dreaming up the garden for one day when I can fulfill it. You know what? I’ll re-dream it many, many more times before that day comes to pass. It’s just what I do.

Having this kind of mind works very well in my job where I have to creatively solve problems in software. I have to understand a problem from as many angles as possible and dream up all the requirements, potential pitfalls, and benefits to my solution. I have to make it as detailed as possible so that the developers can build my dream effectively. In this regard, dreaming is my blessing.

The Other Side of the Coin

The downside to this innate need to dream things up, is that I have no control over it when I sleep. I sometimes feel like I barely have control of it when I’m awake so you can imagine what happens when the brakes come off when I hit REM sleep.

All my life, I’ve endured dreams that are sometimes mundane and boring but more often than not they are bizarre and intense. I dream in color, although some people claim that’s not possible. When I wake, I often have a few moments where I must collect my thoughts to sort out what I dreamed from reality. Did I actually have a chat with my friend about such and such? Did I actually buy this or that thing? Sometimes, it’s difficult to tell right away. A cup or two of coffee helps.

The Mundane

I once had an argument with a friend because we were talking and something came up in the conversation that I insisted I’d shared with him already. It actually got heated as I swore by my statement. It wasn’t until a few moments into the argument that I realized it had only taken place in a dream. Of course, I felt pretty stupid.

Another time, I woke up lamenting the fact that I’d quit an extra part-time job I had at the time because even though it sucked, I needed the extra cash. While I was showering after waking, I was contemplating how I’d humble myself and ask for my job back when the reality dawned on me that I’d only dreamed I had submitted my resignation to my boss.

Other times, I dream I’m mowing the lawn or at the mall. These are the sort of mundane dreams that I have but they are as real as waking moments to me. I feel every exertion of every muscle in the dream and time passes slowly. I wake up exhausted because I feel I haven’t really slept. I’m accustomed to my mind often being on “11” when I’m awake and I know how to reign my thoughts in, but when I’m asleep I have no way to dial it back down to a manageable level. I’m at the mercy of my own mind.

The Bizarre

Now, the bizarre dreams are another story! I’ve dreamed up things like metallic robots disguised as bushes that were chasing me because I threw gum on the sidewalk of a very ritzy neighborhood I lived in at the time. In that dream, I could see the inner workings of the robots’ steel frameworks and the rivets and motors and such that held them together. I could hear the sounds they made as they chased me down the street citing city ordinances at me. It was very detailed, as it always is.


Photo from

Another time, I dreamed that I was working a movie ticket booth…with Ozzy Osbourne. If that wasn’t weird enough, the booth was smack in the middle of the road at the end of my street. I can’t recall the movie we were selling tickets to but I recall I was no better able to understand him in my dream than when I’ve heard him speak on TV.

Another time, I dreamed that I was running a fruit smoothie stand….out of an old Volkswagen Bus…In the desert…with David Lee Roth. Yup. THAT David Lee Roth

You can’t win for losing (What does that even really mean?)

Here’s the thing with dreams (the sleeping kind, not the daydreaming kind). They are a no-win situation. If I dream something awesome like I won the lottery or I live in Biblical Times when it was ok to have multiple wives and my harem happens to include my wife, Jessica Alba, Kerry Washington, Rihanna, Beyonce, and Kate Beckinsale, then I wake up disappointed that it was only a dream. Conversely, if I dream that I’m being chased naked through the forest by chainsaw and laser gun wielding zombies…well who the hell wants that? Either way, it sucks. I hate it. I wish I could go to sleep and just….well…sleep! Instead, my mind runs around unrestrained without my consciousness to keep it in check and I wake up without the benefit of rest.

I’ve decided that on my own blog (Chronicle of a Wayward Son), I plan to start logging the bizarre dreams. They may be amusing to my readers. For example, just a couple of nights ago I had a dream that involved Best Buy, Brian May (of Queen) and a group of nudists. Yeah. Go figure.

P.S. I have never done drugs.


Oliver C. Damon and I love to hear from our readers.  You may comment on this post, comment on Ollie’s link in the introduction to this post, comment on my Facebook page, or email me at:


Posted in Guest Posters, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Shitty Parents, Hot Cars, And Dead Kids


Telling it like it is. “Treat [your child] like he’s a person [you] want to spend time with and not [your] laptop bag.” Amen, Ollie!

(Comments have been turned off for this re-blog – please post any comments on Ollie’s site.)

Originally posted on Chronicle of a Wayward Son:

Did the title grab you? I hope so. It was meant to.

Ok, first I’m going to warn you that I’m likely to offend somebody or other with this post. I don’t really care. Second, I’m going to warn you that my language is probably not going to be as clean as it should be for a Christian. I also do not care. I’m baffled, pissed off, and just not understanding this topic:

Forgetting your toddler in a car long enough to kill him or her.

WTF? How fucking negligent do you have to be to actually do this? Yes, I’ve heard that it happens more often than we think by people who are otherwise very good parents but I still just do not get it. Do. Not. Get. It!

The Poster Child for Shitty Parenting

I was too busy at my highly stressful Home Depot job to remember my kid in the car I was too busy at my highly stressful Home Depot job to remember my…

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