Listen Up, Detroit! (or Wherever)


OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy new[er] car has slots on the floor on either side of the front seats, just inside the doors, for the sole purpose of holding a folding umbrella.  What a cool feature!  No more throwing a wet umbrella onto the seat.

Had I been asked to list the features I want in a new car, that little detail would not have been included simply because I never would have thought of it.

However, it did get me thinking (always dangerous).  If I could choose anything I want on a car, what kinds of features would I like?  Here are some thoughts – bear in mind that I might have come up with some of these after a couple of glasses of wine:

An easily accessible hook on which to hang my purse while driving.  Normally, I toss my purse on the front passenger seat – but if I have a passenger, then the purse must go onto the back seat.  Which is not convenient should a cop pull me over and want my license.  [Pardon me, officer, but do you mind if I get out and open the back door, or would you rather I simply climb over the seat to fetch my purse?]

A back-up camera cleaner.  Now that I have a backup camera, I find I use it a lot.  But it’s located under the back license plate, where all that road grit and slush are thrown against it.  This results in me thinking that I have lost my glasses just before backing up because everything is just sooooo blurry.  Or else I imagine I see a ghost standing behind my car instead of that garbage tote.   How hard would it be to put a mini-squirter or mini-wiper on the darn thing?

Self-cleaning body panels.  Sure, I can clean both the front and back windshields with the push of a button, but I still need to drive to the carwash to clean the rest of the vehicle.  This is a pain in the butt and often makes me late for work because no one else has a self-cleaning car, either.  They make self-cleaning ovens and self-defrosting refrigerators , don’t they?  Why not cars?  Which brings me to my next desired feature:

Self-defrosting car.  I don’t have a remote starter, and even if I did, it still takes time for that ice to melt off the vehicle (waste of gas) – and the defrosters only clear the front and back windows.  I want a car that automatically deflects all ice and snow, or at least one that is capable of self-melting the ice off those damn doors so that I can actually get in without tearing my shoulder out of its socket and then hearing that nasty door-opening  “crack” which makes me think the hinges have failed completely.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERABigger sun visors, or automatically tinted glass.  Us shorter people are not protected by those tiny sun visors that are in most cars these days.  Sure, I could wear sunglasses while driving, or I could go out and buy one of those visor extenders (yes, there are such things – look it up), but why should I have to?  If making the visors bigger is too much of a problem, then how about making the windshield tint automatically according to the amount of light?  Eyeglass manufacturers have been doing that for years – how hard can it be?

Roof-top alert.  How about an indicator that would tell me if I accidentally left my  house keys, or a package, or my lunch on top of the vehicle when I took off?  After my first child was born, I accidentally left her diaper bag on top of the car – thank heavens I noticed when it fell off a few blocks later.  (And thank heavens it wasn’t the car seat, with the baby in it!)

A programmable horn.  Wouldn’t it be cool to be able to choose the sound of your car’s horn?  I especially would like one that OINKS whenever I see someone throw a cigarette or garbage from another vehicle.  (There should be a safety feature, however, so that I can’t use the OINK setting if there is a police vehicle within eyesight or hearing range of my car.)

A forewarning system.  This may be my favorite, and would be beneficial to traffic in general. How about some kind of system that would let other drivers know I’m coming, so they can get off the damn road already!

How about you?  What features would you like on your next vehicle?


I love to hear from my readers.  You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at or


Images by Cordelia’s Mom

Posted in Road Trips & Cars, Teddy Rosalie, That's Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 31 Comments

The Green Event

MutantTurtlesI heard on the radio that some scenes from the next Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie will be shot right here in my hometown – Buffalo, NY.

Everyone wants to know why Buffalo, NY was chosen over other cities.  Is it because of our proximity to Niagara Falls?  Or maybe due to our depressed economy (cheaper to film)?  Or perhaps because we have some of the best pizza in the country, and everyone knows the Turtles love pizza?

I say no to all of the foregoing (well, ok, maybe pizza does factor in).  The real reason the Turtles want to come here? They want to meet dear, old Cordelia’s Mom!

Granted, no one from the film company has as yet contacted me in that regard, but I know it’s only a matter of time.  How could my name not have risen to the very top of the Turtles’ “must see” list?  After all, I had turtles when I was young, and God knows, I had teenagers who made me old.  I even know what a Ninja is!

I can picture it now:  A stretch limo arrives at the chosen meeting place (not my house, I still wish to be anonymous, which is why I didn’t have the limo pick me up at my house, duh).  The Turtles jump out and give little old me hugs.  There’s a photo shoot (in which my oversized body is tastefully blocked by those large Turtles).  A variety of pizza is served, along with everyone’s choice of beer and/or wine.  I am given permission to not only write about the event, but to post a photograph to verify to my readers that said event did, in fact, take place (‘cause some of my readers refuse to believe anything I say, I can never understand why).  Said event will result in thousands millions of Twitter tweets and Facebook shares.  My blog followers will increase from 10 to 50,000.  My pseudonym(s) (both of them) will become household word(s).  (Yes, Not CM will be there, invited or not – she likes pizza, too, when she feels like slumming.)

So, come on Turtles, have your people contact my people asap! It will be a very special day for all of us.

And I will bring fresh-baked cookies – who can resist that?


I love to hear from my readers.  You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at or


Image by JD Hancock

Posted in That's Life | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

Just call me Lazarus , I’ve been Dead Twice , yet here I am


What an incredible story.

(Comments are turned off here – leave comments on the original post.)

Originally posted on butchcountry67:

So unrelated to my experience but an interesting little side note and factoid….When I was born way way back in ancient times (1967) the medical technology was no where near to what it is today, with that in mind I was born in the Moosomin hospital, now Moosomin is a small farm town on the Eastern side of Saskatchewan , anyway my Mother had a terrible time while I was being born, when I first popped out  I was 9 pounds 7 ounces and Blue…. the chord was wrapped around my neck and I wasn’t breathing, I guess the doctor did what he could to save my newborn ass but alas I was gone, My Father was Devastated , as was my Mother , all that work and I was still born, now I have no idea the length of time that passed, but the nurse took me from my…

View original 1,327 more words

Posted in Re-Blogs, That's Life | Tagged , , ,

Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am (March 2015)

Spam lip glaze

Hopefully, by the time this post is published, the snow will have melted in Western New York, and my roof will have stopped leaking.  I’m in no mood for spammers at the moment, but that does not stop them from coming.  If nothing else, their comments make me laugh:



Comment (excerpt):

“Excellent site you have here but I was curious if you knew of any forums that cover the same topics discussed here? I’d really love to be a part of group where I can get advice from other experienced individuals.”


Well, since you wrote this on one of my Spam-Bam posts, I would say that you’re doing just fine as a spammer.  I know of no forums to help you do your “job” better (thank God – I have a hard enough time keeping up with all of you as it is!).


Comment (excerpt):

 “Apologies, We was not clear.”


Well, maybe YOU was not …


Meth LabComment (excerpt):

“Our lab has found and imported it.”


I am sooo not going to ask the next logical question.



“Now I feel stuidp. That’s cleared it up for me”


I’m very happy for you.  It sure hasn’t cleared anything up for me.  Now I feel stuidp. Not.



“Hi there it’s me, I am also visiting this web site daily, this web page is genuinely good and the users are in fact sharing fastidious thoughts.”


Don’t you just love it? – a spammer who frequents my website so often that he/she thinks I know who “me” is!  I simply can’t wait to share more “fastidious thoughts” with this new bosom buddy.



“Very energetic article, I loved that bit. Will there be a part 2?”


Inasmuch as this was written on my post, “Yes! I Survived My First WordPress Year!“, all I can say is:  I sure as hell hope there will be a Part 2!



Squirrels are eager for Spring, too!

The Easter Bunny will soon cometh.  Will I get eggs, candy, or yet more spam?  What do you think?  Join me in April, and we will learn whether I was naughty or nice this year [oh wait, that’s a different holiday … ].

(As usual, apologies to the appropriate commenter if any of the foregoing weren’t, in fact, spam.  I realize that some comments suffer in translation, and I try to take that into account when determining what is spam and what is legitimate.)


I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at or


Images by:  dan bruell, and, and Cordelia’s Mom, respectively

Posted in Maintain It Up, Spam-Bam, That's Life | Tagged , , , | 22 Comments