Cordelia's Mom, Still

Being fat has its advantages.

For one, fat offers padding during a face-plant.

Wouldn’t you know, I made it through the entire winter without sliding once.  Come spring, when the ground is clear, all that changes.

It was a lovely Thursday, but rain was predicted for late afternoon and into the evening.  Puppy Cody doesn’t particularly like rain, especially when accompanied by wind, so ‘long about 2:30 pm, I decided to take her out to do her business.  Cody’s gotten into the habit of grazing in the yard (those darn bunnies leave gifts all over), and became parasite-infested, requiring a course of expensive meds, so now she’s only allowed out on leash or with a mesh muzzle.

Cody hates that mesh muzzle.  Most of the time when it’s on, she just stands in the middle of the yard looking forlorn until I bring her back in.  She’s ok on leash, provided hubby is the one who goes out with her – I don’t walk well enough these days to be able to trot around the yard while she completes her business.

So, I got the bright idea of using one of those long retractable leashes.  She could move around fairly freely and if she started grazing, I could simply tug the leash to distract her.  That worked well for a couple of weeks, so maybe I got a bit over-confident.

In any event, this particular day, I opened the door, Cody trotted down the steps on the retractable leash, and I toddled along behind her.  My mistake was that I didn’t keep the leash short until we got into the yard.  Instead, I let the dog take off and around the corner of the house – which worried me because I thought the leash might shred against the brick wall of the house, so I tried to speed up.  As soon as I nearly got to that corner, the leash extended fully, suddenly, like a whip – and pulled me right off my feet.  You wouldn’t think a medium size dog could exert that much force on an owner nearly five times her weight, but incredibly, I found myself airborne for probably about six feet.  Fortunately, I landed on the muddy grassy area and not on the pavement; unfortunately, I landed face down and fully prone.

As I said, being fat has its advantages – those huge boobs acted like pillows, preventing me from actually breaking any of my ribs.

So, now I was lying prone in my own back yard and unable to get up.  I didn’t have my phone with me.  None of the neighbors seemed to be around, and I was too embarrassed to start screaming for help.   I know a number of my neighbors have doorbell cameras, but I was lying in a spot that wouldn’t be picked up by any of those cameras.

What to do?

I crawled over to the fence and tried to pull myself up, but couldn’t.

I crawled to the edge of the pavement towards the steps, but with my bad knees the pain was prohibitive.  Finally, I managed to turn over, sit up, and slide backwards on my butt to the steps, where I then managed to drag my sorry ass onto the first step.

This took probably 20 minutes, and by now, the kids were all coming home from school.  I debated calling out to one of them, but again, I was too embarassed to do so.

So, there I sat, catching my breath, with my good dog right beside me, wondering what the heck mom was doing just sitting there – and why was she still dragging that dang leash around with no one holding it?

Finally, I managed to boost myself to the second step, at which point I was able to grab onto the fence and the porch railing, stand up, and climb the last step onto the porch and into the house.

Needless to say, I didn’t do much for the rest of that day.  So long as I was sitting, I didn’t feel too bad, but I was unable to move at all without screaming.  I may not have broken any bones, but I had apparently bruised those ribs, and wrenched my leg and my arm.  When hubby got home, he wanted me to go to the emergency room, but I declined.  After all, even with broken ribs, they don’t do anything other than wrap the area, give pain medications, and advise rest.  I could do that on my own.  (Well, except that I only have NSAIDs and Tylenol, whereas at the hospital I maybe would have gotten some of the good stuff.)

Anyway.

It’s been a few days now and while still in significant pain, at least I can move around and do whatever needs to be done – like taking Puppy Cody out to do her business in the back yard.

Carefully, gingerly – and without a retractable leash.  Ain’t making that mistake again!

Hugs, all.

__________

I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Twitter page (@cordeliasmom), or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com
__________
Images by Cordelia’s Mom/TeddyRosalieStudio