Can you see the teddy bear? Her name is Teddy Rose – more on this in a future post!
And now, some of my male readers are probably scrambling to be the first to get to my house!
Settle down, guys – it’s not the way you think.
I snore. My husband snores.
I thrash around in my sleep. He talks in his sleep.
I like the bedroom to be sub-zero temperature so that I can snuggle into a whole pile of sheets, blankets and comforters. My husband prefers a really warm room so that he can sleep naked with only a light sheet as cover.
You can see how all that could create a certain amount of tension.
Like most married couples, we spent years sleeping in the same bed, despite our differences. But at some point it became apparent that neither of us was getting any rest (because of the above differences, not because being in the same bed led to other energy-requiring activities – well, at least not all the time).
Finally, we came to a decision to have separate rooms. No more middle-of-the night exclamations of “Stop snoring!” or “Would you please stop kicking me!” or “Shut the hell up already!”
For a long time, we hid our new sleeping arrangements from various relatives who viewed such separation as a precursor to divorce. Not that it was any of their business, but those relatives were misguided – having separate bedrooms actually made our marriage stronger, because now that we were both well-rested, we had more energy for [ahem] special moments.
After all, the rooms are only about 3 feet away from each other (the width of the upstairs hallway). It’s not as if we opted for separate houses (which could very well have happened as we became more and more annoyed with each other’s sleeping habits).
And so, after an “activity” filled evening, we can both retire to our respective havens and enjoy the peaceful “post-activity” sleep without having to worry about that sleep being interrupted by snoring, thrashing or sleep-talking. Being well-rested makes for a very strong marriage.
Happy Valentine’s Day to my husband – may we have many more years of Valentine’s Days, filled with wine, candles, love – and restful sleep.
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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@yahoo.com
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Images by Cordelia’s Mom (such as it is), and Matt Kemberling, and Anant Nath Sharma, respectively
Cordelia's Mom, Still 
I had a patient yesterday get very offended when I asked if he and his wife slept in the same room still. More people do it than anyone realizes, I think, due to the apparent stigma attached to it.
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Hubby and I once toured one of those old historic mansions. There were a bunch of other people there, too. The residence had his and her bedrooms, and I remember one of the younger men making a snide comment to his wife/girlfriend as to what separate rooms meant. My husband and I just looked at each other and chuckled.
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My husband snored really badly and we had him tested for sleep apnea. Now he wears a mask at night and we both sleep soundly in the same bed. Sleep is important and I suppose whatever way you can get it you just have to go for it!
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I think if it was just snoring, we could have both tolerated it. But the thrashing around, different temperature preferences and sleep talking were just too much. We get along much better now, and our intimate life is actually better than when we shared a bed (perhaps absence does, in fact, make the heart grow fonder).
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Well, then, that’s awesome! More rested AND better intimacy? Sounds great 😀
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You’d be surprised at how common that is. I have a friend who thought it was just awful that her parents had separate bedrooms when she was growing up. But guess who now has separate bedrooms? She does. When one of the bedrooms became available in her house her hubby took it over. She likes to watch TV at night, he likes to read. When we were visiting them her hubby was gracious enough to let us use his bedroom. I actually know quite a few couples who now have their own bedroom and are happily married.
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Quite a few readers have pointed out that it is more common than one would think. I don’t know why there’s such a stigma attached to it.
PS: Good to hear from you!
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Sleeping together is so overrated.
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Great comment – short and to the point. I agree completely.
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Happily married, 23 years, separate beds and we like each other 🙂
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Yes! Even better. Thank you.
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YOu’ve got to do what works. Sleep is huge.
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Yep. Get enough sleep, and everything else is more appealing.
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I know a lot of couples who have opted for separate rooms for lots of reasons, often for very different sleeping schedules. We don’t, but we almost did. But we like being near each other too much, so we fought through the differences. It took a long time, but we got there. But I can understand the advantage of not sharing a bed. But we’d fight over the bed … or we would have to buy a second adjustable. So I guess we’ll just hang together.
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And that’s exactly the point. Those who want to sleep in the same bed should do so, and those who opt for separate beds should be able to do so without the stigma attached to it. I’ve never heard anyone say to a married couple, “Oh, so you sleep in the same bed?” (accompanied by a smirk). Of course, no one should really be discussing a couple’s sleeping arrangements to begin with.
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This makes total sense to me. My husband is a cuddler…i am not. That guest bed is looking pretty nice some night.
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Be careful with that, though. Separate beds has to be a mutual decision in order for it to work out right. However, having said that, let me say that my husband also tends to be a cuddler – and there are plenty of opportunities for cuddling other than bedtime.
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My Mom and Dad eventually settled for twin beds, separated by a dressing table. Mom was the warm snuggler. Dad would push his covers down or off, and wake up to find her, still asleep, pulling them back up to his chin. I don’t know what the ratio of humor to truth there was in his claim that, if he got up to go to the bathroom, when he came back, his side of the bed was made up. 🙂
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And I’m sure that dressing table didn’t prevent them from getting together when they wanted to (not that you want to think of your parents that way).
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Whatever works for you guys.
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It does. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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