The “write-in” vote will come in handy this year, because I know y’all will want to cast your ballot for Cordelia’s Mom a/k/a CookieCakes for [pick an office, any office, even dog catcher would be fine – except that dog catcher would be my last choice because I wouldn’t want to give any of the dogs back after catching them].
Why should you vote for Cordelia’s Mom? So glad you asked.
I know nothing about any of the issues involved in any political race. Nor do I care about any of the issues. Heck, I’m not even a registered voter.
Therefore, you can rest assured that I will view each issue from a fresh perspective and will not be influenced by any rules, laws, or customs surrounding those issues. Voting on issues will be strictly by dart-board or coin-toss.
I dislike everyone regardless of skin color, nationality, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or economic status.
Therefore, you can be sure that I will not favor any one group over any other group. Everyone will be treated equally shabbily.
I do not have money and have never had money.
Therefore, your political contributions will be especially appreciated. You will be rewarded by seeing your name in print on my blog (woo-hoo!), unless, of course, you wish to remain anonymous. You might even get a Cordelia’s Mom, Still coffee mug (a post on this will be coming after the elections).
I’m not interested in obtaining a 300-lb girlfriend in jail.
Therefore, you can rest assured that the aforesaid political contributions will, in fact, be used for the last-minute race to the [pick an office, any office, even dog-catcher would be fine]. I haven’t quite figured out what to do with any left-over funds – I’d have to research how that is handled by other elected officials, and follow their lead. After all, they aren’t going to jail, so they must be doing it right.
I’d be more than happy to “work from home.”
Therefore, I will save the taxpayers the expenses of a physical political headquarters. From what I’ve seen, not too many politicians actually work out of an office anyway. (Although there might be some taxpayer expense to expand my home to accommodate all those dogs I will be catching.)
I have no platform.
Platform shoes went out of style awhile ago, and my aging feet couldn’t handle them anyway.
Oops, that would be “political platform” – duh. Ain’t got one of those, neither. I just roll with the flow.
But I do have a slogan.
“CookieCakes has what it takes.”
Means absolutely nothing, but sounds good, doesn’t it?
OK, people, go for it. Take those pencils to the voting booth, pick your favorite open political office, and write in your vote for “Cordelia’s Mom a/k/a CookieCakes.”
On Election Night, I’ll be waiting eagerly by my TV, glass of wine in hand, for the results to come in – and I know you won’t let me down! Whether my wine turns into a celebratory toast or a sorrow-drowner, know that I love each and every one of you regardless of skin color, nationality, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, economic status, or preference for toilet paper over or under the roll.
[I am Cordelia’s Mom a/k/a CookieCakes, and I approve of this post.]