Being fat has its advantages.
For one, fat offers padding during a face-plant.
Wouldn’t you know, I made it through the entire winter without sliding once. Come spring, when the ground is clear, all that changes.
It was a lovely Thursday, but rain was predicted for late afternoon and into the evening. Puppy Cody doesn’t particularly like rain, especially when accompanied by wind, so ‘long about 2:30 pm, I decided to take her out to do her business. Cody’s gotten into the habit of grazing in the yard (those darn bunnies leave gifts all over), and became parasite-infested, requiring a course of expensive meds, so now she’s only allowed out on leash or with a mesh muzzle.
Cody hates that mesh muzzle. Most of the time when it’s on, she just stands in the middle of the yard looking forlorn until I bring her back in. She’s ok on leash, provided hubby is the one who goes out with her – I don’t walk well enough these days to be able to trot around the yard while she completes her business.
So, I got the bright idea of using one of those long retractable leashes. She could move around fairly freely and if she started grazing, I could simply tug the leash to distract her. That worked well for a couple of weeks, so maybe I got a bit over-confident.
In any event, this particular day, I opened the door, Cody trotted down the steps on the retractable leash, and I toddled along behind her. My mistake was that I didn’t keep the leash short until we got into the yard. Instead, I let the dog take off and around the corner of the house – which worried me because I thought the leash might shred against the brick wall of the house, so I tried to speed up. As soon as I nearly got to that corner, the leash extended fully, suddenly, like a whip – and pulled me right off my feet. You wouldn’t think a medium size dog could exert that much force on an owner nearly five times her weight, but incredibly, I found myself airborne for probably about six feet. Fortunately, I landed on the muddy grassy area and not on the pavement; unfortunately, I landed face down and fully prone.
As I said, being fat has its advantages – those huge boobs acted like pillows, preventing me from actually breaking any of my ribs.
So, now I was lying prone in my own back yard and unable to get up. I didn’t have my phone with me. None of the neighbors seemed to be around, and I was too embarrassed to start screaming for help. I know a number of my neighbors have doorbell cameras, but I was lying in a spot that wouldn’t be picked up by any of those cameras.
What to do?
I crawled over to the fence and tried to pull myself up, but couldn’t.
I crawled to the edge of the pavement towards the steps, but with my bad knees the pain was prohibitive. Finally, I managed to turn over, sit up, and slide backwards on my butt to the steps, where I then managed to drag my sorry ass onto the first step.
This took probably 20 minutes, and by now, the kids were all coming home from school. I debated calling out to one of them, but again, I was too embarassed to do so.
So, there I sat, catching my breath, with my good dog right beside me, wondering what the heck mom was doing just sitting there – and why was she still dragging that dang leash around with no one holding it?
Finally, I managed to boost myself to the second step, at which point I was able to grab onto the fence and the porch railing, stand up, and climb the last step onto the porch and into the house.
Needless to say, I didn’t do much for the rest of that day. So long as I was sitting, I didn’t feel too bad, but I was unable to move at all without screaming. I may not have broken any bones, but I had apparently bruised those ribs, and wrenched my leg and my arm. When hubby got home, he wanted me to go to the emergency room, but I declined. After all, even with broken ribs, they don’t do anything other than wrap the area, give pain medications, and advise rest. I could do that on my own. (Well, except that I only have NSAIDs and Tylenol, whereas at the hospital I maybe would have gotten some of the good stuff.)
Anyway.
It’s been a few days now and while still in significant pain, at least I can move around and do whatever needs to be done – like taking Puppy Cody out to do her business in the back yard.
Carefully, gingerly – and without a retractable leash. Ain’t making that mistake again!
Hugs, all.
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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Twitter page (@cordeliasmom), or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com
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Images by Cordelia’s Mom/TeddyRosalieStudio
Cordelia's Mom, Still 
Oh! CM that sounds like bad experience, I hope you are feeling better every day and that Cody is suitably contrite. Good job Teddy Rosalie was not filming the whole incident 💜💜
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LOL. It would have made a very funny video. I always liked flying, but in a plane, not by being jerked off my feet.
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I agree the landings hurt too much 💜💜💜
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Oh my! Apparently it is the season of falls, despite what the calendar says. I also fell a week ago today – but all by myself, with no assistance whatsoever. My fall did result in a visit to ER, with a diagnosis of a fractured fibula. Good times are being had by all, yes?
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For sure. ER visits are never fun. I couldn’t bear the thought of dragging myself there (that seatbelt would have hurt!) and then sitting around for hours waiting to be seen.
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Oh No!! I am sorry you had the wrong kind of flying!
I hope you heal up soon and the pain goes away quickly.
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Yeah I should have titled the post, “Cordelia’s Mom Goes Flying.” Each day I get just a little better, so it’s just a matter of time. Bruised ribs usually take about a month to heal.
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I know how you feel. I find it difficult to get up and have to flip over onto my knees, push myself up onto my arms and baby step towards my elbows like an awkward crab. I cannot hoist myself up from the floor using the settee or a chair as I have little to no strength in my arms , so my only option is not to get down there in the first place!! Hope you’re not in too much pain now.
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Yep, don’t get down there in the first place. That’s why I have long-handled mops, grabbers, etc. Of course, I never anticipated being prone in my own back yard, without a phone, and no one nearby to help. Ugh. Each day the pain is a little less. It will be awhile before I can wear a bra, but since I seldom go out that shouldn’t be too much of a problem. (Thanks for your comment. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who can no longer get up off the floor!)
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Glad the pain is decreasing. I’ve only worn a bra twice since my mastectomy in 2019, and that was to house The Precious! Still, it’s nice to have to option of levelling up if I wanted to, but I’m fine without it. .
Hope you’re feeling better.
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OH my goodness, CM, I am sorry to hear this story. Both my wife and I have been pulled off our feet by a dog – they are amazingly strong. I’m glad you were able to get yourself back to safety. I hope the pain continues to ease.
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I think Cody was as surprised as I was. She just stood there looking at me until I got back to the porch, then she came and stood next to me.
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Our rushed over to us when we fell, too.
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I am so sorry to hear that puppy Cody yanked you off your feet, CM. Our dogs, even getting older like us, can still take on an energetic burst when prompted! Ellie walks slow but I stay wary for bunnies and other dogs for sure.
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I think it was the fact that the leash was rubbing against the corner of the house and then became a whip once it released. I suspect Cody may have been pulled off her feet, too, but I couldn’t see her around the corner. I only noticed later that she was walking a bit gingerly, just like her owner.
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That darn spring-like contraption in the leash certainly turned dangerous to both of you, CM.
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Yep. That leash has now been thrown away.
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