I’ve been a very good dog this year. Most of the time, at least. (Let’s not tell Mom that I took over her computer while she was out, ok?)
It’s so hard to decide what I want for Christmas this year.
Mom already bought me a new house so I don’t have to stress myself out guarding the premises against those loony neighbors we used to have. Lord, I thought they’d never run out of balls to throw over our fence – and those cops! I don’t understand why Mom didn’t want me to keep those cops out of our house – after all, they’re strangers!
Only our loony former neighbors would call the police when a ball isn’t returned quickly enough, and only in that quiet suburb would the police respond to such a silly call. I’m glad we’re not there any more.
At the new home, I mostly just lie around (it was so nice of Mom to buy me that new couch!), except for when I have to chase that mail carrier off the property every single day. Really, by now wouldn’t you think he’d know better? Mom says she doesn’t even want most of the junk mail that guy leaves.
Since I’ve been such a Good Dog and all, could you maybe bring me some new treats? Those bones stuffed with cheese are really nice – I never get enough of those. Or maybe some new rawhide sticks? Good chomping exercise!
Or, some new toys? Maybe a bunny or squirrel I could chase inside the house? Where Mom and Dad walk me, there’s something called geese – could I have one of those? I’ve been dying to chase those geese, but Mom and Dad make me stay on leash. Whatever you bring, they’d have to be housebroken, of course; Mom gets upset when tiny “presents” are left on the living room rug.
Or, maybe you could ask your elves to come put up that fence my Mom wants? Elves are used to snow and ice, so I’m sure they’d have no problem with our weather. We really need a fence ’cause Mom won’t let me run free without one. Silly Mom – where does she think I’d go? Sure, I might chase after a bunny or another dog, but I’d always find my way back. Doesn’t she know that?
I’ve heard Mom and Dad discussing “money” recently. I think Mom needs to find a job pretty soon, but I’d rather she stayed here with me. Sometimes she plays with me during the day; that’s so cool. Santa, couldn’t you use someone to work remotely organizing those Naughty and Nice lists? I know Mom could handle that. Maybe she could even help with ideas on what to give to everyone. And, of course, she could promote you on this blog! That would be a plus that I know you’d enjoy. Everyone, everywhere reads my Mom’s blog!
Be safe, Santa. I sometimes watch TV with Dad, and I see there’s a lot going on in the world, some of it not very nice at all. If you want, I would be willing to ride the sleigh with you on Christmas Eve to keep those terrorists and thieves away from you and the reindeer. I might even be willing to wear the appropriate holiday uniform ’cause I know image is very important.
(Sorry about the photo, Santa. Mom hasn’t unpacked the Christmas decorations, so I couldn’t find a Santa hat or reindeer antlers. But you get the drift – and the princess crown is so much more fitting, don’t you think? If you provide a different uniform, I’ll be glad to wear it.)
Just shoot me a quick message – use the email for the mirror blog so Mom won’t see it. She never checks that blog any more, she says Not CM is dead. I’m kind of sad about that. I enjoyed sparring with Shadowpaws. But I’m not sure an alter-ego can die anyway. Maybe Not CM will come back, and bring her cat with her.
If you decide you don’t need my security services (I hear Rudolph can be quite the protective demon when need be), then let me simply say I look forward to seeing you again this year. I promise not to cause a commotion when you come in through the window (we don’t have a fireplace, I don’t know why Mom didn’t think about that!). Maybe you could give a soft Ho Ho Ho! from outside so I know it’s you.
Merry Christmas, Santa!
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Images by Cordelia’s Mom