Sure, I’ve been trying to get into the spirit of the holidays. I did go out and get the gifts and the cards, and I did make plans for attending and/or hosting events like Christmas Eve for the whole family at my youngest daughter’s house and Christmas dinner for my husband, mother-in-law and middle daughter at our house.
I even had hubby buy the special Christmas breakfast ingredients, despite the fact that it will probably be just hubby and me for breakfast.
But my heart just isn’t in it this year. I’m so very tired. The new job is sucking the life out of me, and I’m feeling trapped because there are so few other opportunities in this area for people my age – and I still have a few years before I can retire.
(Note: Like my writing? Like my photos? How about a combination of the two? Hire me now! See the “Want Me?” page.)
I couldn’t even bring myself to put up the tree or any of the decorations this year. It just didn’t seem worth it.
And now I’m sick again. Hey, folks, don’t get all worried – it’s just another sinus thing going on, but with my suppressed immunity due to the Remicade treatments, I’m having a hard time overcoming the virus. I’ve been fighting it for more than a week.
Today, I got up, got dressed for work, ate a little breakfast, took Cody out – and then realized I wasn’t going anywhere. Absolutely not. No way. No how. Driving would be dangerous and incredibly stupid.
And so, I called off from my new job – for the first time ever – and went back to bed.
Today will be a day for sleeping or watching movies while under the bedcovers, drinking hot lemon tea, munching crackers, and hugging the dog. Tomorrow I will drag myself back into the office somehow. Fortunately it’s the last work day before Christmas and it will be a short, hopefully not too stressful, day – normal work morning, but then the office holiday lunch from noon to 2, and the office closes at 3. The office will be closed on Monday for Christmas.
Hopefully, I can make it through tomorrow. Then I have a whole 3 days before I have to face the office grief again.
Maybe a weekend with my family is all that I need. Family makes everything better, doesn’t it?
Merry Christmas, everyone. I may or may not post between now and Christmas. My post on Christmas Day will be a re-blog – and it’s going to be one that will make many of you laugh and cry at the same time. Be sure to check it out.
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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com
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Images by Cordelia’s Mom
Cordelia's Mom, Still 
Sorry to hear you are feeling so down as well as poorly.
Hopefully Christmas with the family will brighten things up for you. Dogs are great therapy, they seem to know the right amount of pressure to apply to cuddles and snuggles.
We are having a quiet Christmas Day with MOH and I’m cooking. No overnighters this year, so back to the boat where we may feel we’re on a desert island as most people are away. Yay! The WIFI all to ourselves!! All the best to you. Keep warm and snug. 🙂
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Cody knows when I’m not feeling well. Those are the days she just lies next to me without causing any trouble at all. Such a good dog.
PS: It’s good to know that you’re feeling well enough again to be able to cook Christmas dinner. Excellent news!
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I am feeling really good actually. No chemo was a blessing and the radiotherapy starts on the 29th. I have been so lucky, and the support from friends and the medical professionals has been awesome.
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Feel better, CM. Wishing you a release from all the stress of this holiday season. I’ve already absolved myself from all guilt associated with it. And the Crohn’s Colitis Foundation says that I can let housework go. Of course I took them at their word years ago before I read that, but still. It’s nice to have backup!
Merry Christmas to you. And may 2017 be a healthy one for you that leaves your soul intact!
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2017 will be interesting, that’s for sure. I’ll survive.
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Oh Dear….
Feel better soon and have as stress free a holiday season as you can manage…
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I just need to get through tomorrow, then I have a few days off and the love of my family – hopefully, without this darn sinus virus.
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feel better soon.
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Thank you, Jim. I rested most of the day and already feel a little better.
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Get the rest and restore your health. Greeting os the season to you.
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Thank you so much! I just hopped over to your site, and I must say those chocolate chip cookies look yummy. Just the sight of them made me feel better.
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Very sweet of you! Take and enjoy life.
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I am sorry you are feeling so low and I hope you are soon feeling better. I feel how you are feeling about Christmas every year… I am the secret grinch!! xxxxx
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Did you ever read the book, “Skipping Christmas”? I read it last year and totally empathized with the main character. Not everyone is in love with the holiday every year.
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No I shall look it up 🙂 I find Christmas very hard I am on tenderhooks all the time! ❤
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It’s by John Grisham, believe it or not. It’s a very amusing little book.
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Thanks I shall look it up!!
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I remember being where you are before I finally had no choice but to take the disability and pack it in and it totally sucked. Are you sure you can’t take disability? Garry should have done it while he was working and he had disability insurance, but we were stupid back then. If you have any options, explore them. You do not sound like this is working for you. Try to feel better.
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If I can make it through to April of 2018, I can retire on Social Security. At that point, I could get a part-time job to supplement Social Security and still manage to pay the existing bills. I couldn’t do that now on disability or early retirement because that would mean I couldn’t work at all, and we’ve already cut back our expenses about as much as we can. I just need to get through if I can, or with luck, find a different job to carry me through for just the next year or so. The one thing I refuse to do, however, is to give up the rest of my health for my current job. I’ve already been there, done that, and it wasn’t worth it.
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Merry Christmas. I hope the long weekend helps make you feel better.
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Thanks, Dan. A few days rest will make all the difference. Go out and take some Christmas photos for me, ok? I’ll enjoy looking at them on Flickr.
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Will do. Take care.
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There are years I have wanted to skip Christmas, too. Sending you love and hugs and I bite my thumb in the general direction of your office.
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You have young children. There is no skipping Christmas when you have little ones. They make it all worth it.
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They do have a way of bringing out the joy. 🙂
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Oh CM, sorry to hear you’re under the weather.
I’ve had one or two non-Christmases and they have worked out pretty well in the end. The main thing is REST and get back together again!
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Thanks, Jean. I just wish I had a little longer to rest and get back together again, but 3 days will have to suffice.
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Think of the 3 days in seconds ~ that will make them last a lot longer. Hope you’re a bit better today. xx
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Merry Christmas Cordelia’s mom. I hope it is better than you think it will be
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Thanks, Al. One way or another, it can only get better.
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That is true,
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First, I hope you are feeling MUCH better to make it into the office today!
Second, I understand the frustration with Christmas feelings every year from one quarter or another. I wrote on it a few days ago. Maybe some perspective for you? https://jeffreyhking.wordpress.com/2016/12/15/christmas-feelings/
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I did get into the office and even managed to enjoy the office luncheon, and now I’m pooped again.
Thanks for the link, Jeffrey. I can always count on you to make me feel better.
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There is some real bleak energy floating around. I am so sorry you are feeling bad. I certainly understand where you are coming from. I am also with you having a no-Christmas. The Grisham book someone referred to is also the movie Christmas with the Kranks. One of our favorites. I barely put a tree up this year or decorated. The whole thing can be over and done with as far as this year goes. Sending your strength and well-being prayers.
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Thanks, Jane. Now that I’ve made it through the week, I’m actually looking forward to the family get-togethers, even without decorations.
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Feel better soon. Who said Christmas dinner couldn’t be toast and beans? KISS method works. Hang in there and i hope you get your mojo back soon.
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Christmas dinner won’t be toast and beans, but it won’t be turkey, either – and there won’t be any special decorations. Just the “good” china and flatware and a real tablecloth. And good company, of course. Should be a nice, relaxing meal.
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Get well soon and I hope you can get into the Christmas spirit. Have a great Christmas and best wishes for a wonderful 2017!
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Thanks, Vic. I’ll enjoy being with family. That’s what it’s all about anyway.
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Hi CM, I see that you have managed to make it through yesterday’s rest and today’s work and work-related festivities. An oxymoron for the wise like you or a fieldmine for those who might let down his or her guard. I hope you read this after the Christmas Holiday, but if you don’t here are my mushy thoughts for you and those you cherish. Puppy-Cody must be the best dog in the world, and I imagine Santa Claus/Paws or Mom and Dad have a treat in store for him. He seems like an excellent protector if necessary and a wonderful companion if one is ill. I am envious and pleased that you, and I think two of your daughters, were fortunate to meet a Traveling-Panda-in-Chief. That tale, along with the majority of your writings brought me joy,. Others are slices of life that become think pieces, or challenge me in some manner to be a stronger person. You have grit CM, a characteristic I lack and value highly. You are also very special to me. Happy Christmas CM, to you and your family. I will think healthy thoughts for you. You mean so much to me. Candy Perkins.
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Aw, that’s a very nice comment. We were all very fortunate to meet Bob T Panda and hope to do so again someday. It was the best girls’ night out ever! As for Cody – yes, Santa will have a little something for her. She’s definitely been on the Nice List the last few days. Merry Christmas, Candy.
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I’m sorry you’re fighting so hard. I hope yesterday’s rest helped. I sure hope being with your loved ones helps.
I was sick for about 6 weeks, I’d have better days, but I couldn’t rest enough to win. Got pretty serious about lyin around and takin the cough syrup last weekend and that got me fixed up.
Merry Christmas!
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Thanks, Joey. I’m feeling much better today and looking forward to Christmas Eve dinner at my daughter’s house. It’s her first Christmas in her new house, so I know she’ll have it decorated impressively. Merry Christmas to you and your family!
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Sounds lovely, I do hope you enjoy it 🙂
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Enjoy that snug and warm!
Waiting for sunset on Christmas Eve is like standing toes-over-the-edge on a high diving board.
Every year we’d cruise casually by the window to keep an eye on the sun’s progress until it was officially evening.
Then the shout “Christmas Eve Gift!” would ring out.
You see, the traditions says that the first person to voice that phrase on Christmas Eve to another would be graced with good fortune and joy all the next year.
(And of course, whomever was first won. Everything was a contest…)
It’s more difficult to be first now with caller ID.
As all those who have become my friends in blogland are spread widely across time zones, I’d like to wish you all “Christmas Eve Gift” now.
And as I already feel so fortunate to have such wonderful readers and writers in this neighborhood, I wish to share any phrase acquired good fortune and joy with you in thanks.
No matter where you are or what you are guided by, hope you have a very merry Christmas and a new year full of adventure and joy.
Peace on earth and goodwill towards all creatures great and small.
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I am late- here
but hope you are feeling better
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Better late than never, Yvette. I got through the holidays, and I am feeling better now.
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I am so glad – 😉
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