Today’s guest poster is Paul Curran. Yes, that’s right – Paul Curran. I know the photo looks like someone totally different, but personally I love his new “scruffy writer’s look.” Don’t you?
Comedy by Winter’s Moon
By Paul Curran
Golden Earring’s “Twilight Zone” was pounding loud on the stereo “It’s 2 am, the fear is gone…” as I crested the hill headed for Halifax. It was a full moon that was shining brightly in the bitter cold, clear February night sky at 2 am. The beat shaking the cab perfectly matched the center line dots as they sped past. Forty thousand pounds of pears from Medford, Oregon rested comfortably at 40 degrees F in the temperature controlled trailer (reefer) following closely behind – happy in their ignorance of the -30 F external temperatures.
The road between St. John New Brunswick and Sussex New Brunswick, was 2 lane improved (wide paved shoulders with some controlled interchanges) with rolling hills and a 55 mph speed limit. It was lightly traveled this time of night, and consequently, there were few police cruisers as well. I could see the clearance lights of a tractor-trailer far ahead of me appear and disappear as we alternately crested hills and raced through valleys. Up, Down, Up, Down – it became monotonous after a while. Then his lights disappeared and the CB crackled with a voice that was unmistakably stressed and urgent:
“East bound! There’s a head-on collision here – the road is blocked with wreckage!”
He knew I was coming and must have seen my headlights in his mirrors. I could tell that he was the first to arrive at the potential slaughter in the middle of nowhere. Golden Earring was singing: “Yeah, there’s a storm on the loose, Sirens in my head” Two more hills and my headlights picked up the wreckage of a car spun around in the middle of the road. Steam came from under the hood and all the windows were shattered. Pieces of metal and car parts were strewn widely over the road. The other trucker had, mysteriously, gone past the wreckage and was sitting in the middle of the road about 200 feet further along. No other vehicles were in evidence – just the single demolished car. I pulled to a stop on the shoulder just before the wreckage, and yanking the parking brake knob, I turned on my four ways and flipped the switches that lit back up lights and the over head orange rotating emergency lights on the roof (I had these for hauling over sized loads but they were attention getters in situations where others needed to be warned).
As I grabbed my flashlight and coat and jumped down from the truck I heard the music still playing: “Help, I’m steppin’ into the Twilight Zone, Place is a madhouse…” I muttered under my breath as I headed to the car: “I don’t want to see this, I don’t want to see this, I don’t want to see this…” – over and over.
The engine hood was lying twisted on the road and the engine was sitting on the ground out of the frame, but still between the rails. The windshield was shattered and opaque; the driver’s side window was gone – just a frame with round bits of shatterproof glass adhering to the edges. Steam rolled up over the passenger compartment and it was hard to see. With a prayer, I shined the flash light onto the remains of the driver’s seat.
And there he sat, drunk almost to the point of unconsciousness, with just a small scratch on his temple (likely from the window shattering), holding the steering wheel firmly in both hands with his seat belt on. He turned to me with wide eyes and slurred: “What’d I hit?” This was a very good question, the answer to which was not obvious. I let out a deep whoosh when I realized I was holding my breath. God takes special care of small children, fools and drunks – for certain. I made sure he was OK, was the only one in the car, and I helped him out. The bitter cold air seemed to sober him up somewhat and he stood on the shoulder surveying the wreckage while he had a cigarette.
Concerned that there was obviously something large, likely another vehicle, somewhere here, I walked down the road towards the other truck that sat idling in the middle of the road, scanning for bodies as I went. Was it him who had hit the car? No, the truck was unmarked. How he had gotten through the wreckage though was a good question. Just past the idling truck I saw a large shape down in the deep ditch on my left. It slowly resolved itself into another tractor trailer sitting upright in a ditch so deep that its roof was level with the roadway. The clearance lights were still on and it was obvious once I got past the headlights of the truck on the road. The driver was being helped up the steep embankment by the other driver. I met them as they stepped onto the shoulder and realized he was just shaken up and not hurt. I couldn’t believe it – the drunk in the car had hit a tractor trailer head on and was basically unhurt. I reassured them both that the car driver was fine – just plastered – and was having a smoke up the road.
While we were talking, a car came towards us and I waved it down with my flashlight. I spoke to the driver, explained that the road was blocked and asked him to drive back to the nearest gas station- about 10 miles- and call the police (there were no cell phones in vehicles at the time). After about ½ an hour, two New Brunswick Highway Patrol cruisers, an ambulance, and a fire truck came screaming up the road. The Federal Police had patrolled these roads until just recently when the government figured they could save a few bucks by establishing their own police force. They were a joke and constantly mishandled situations.
We all (except the drunk) met the two officers as they got out of their cars in front of the wreckage. One officer looked around and asked: “What did he hit?” I pointed out the tractor-trailer in the ditch and bit my tongue to keep from a snide remark – that 65 foot truck you just drove past. : “Oh”
We explained the drunk drive,r and the police wanted to know where he was – a good question. We had been joined by another trucker who had a full load of gasoline in a tanker, parked behind my truck. He turned around and gasped as he spied the drunk apparently trying to hide from the police under the tanker – and smoking another cigarette: “Get the fuck out of there you idiot! Are trying to blow us all up?!”
Realizing his hiding place had been discovered and the police were walking over, the drunk, in a burst of energy, took off running like a gazelle across the road, down over the bank and headed for an empty field that gleamed with a covering of snow in the bright moonlight. Other than the softy idling vehicles, it was very quiet and we all stood and watched him run, his footsteps crunching loudly in the frozen snow. Just as he reached the edge of the field, there was a loud “BOING” and to our amazement he flew backwards and slammed into the ground where he lay motionless. The tanker driver, who was a local, turned to the rest of us and said matter of factly: “Barbed wire fence”. I couldn’t stifle the giggles.
The police climbed down the slope and walked over to the drunk, who still lay unmoving. We could hear them talking to him as they helped him to his feet. The policemen were each holding an arm as they escorted him back up the bank. The drunk knew he was about to have a breathalyzer done and he figured the only way out was the ambulance. He began screaming and moaning very theatrically: “I’m hurt! I’m hurt! I’m hurt! Ohhh, it hurts so bad! – I have to go in the ambulance! Ohhh, it hurts!”
The police were very polite and quite obligingly lead him to the rear of the ambulance which sat with its doors open while they checked out the truck driver involved. Once they had loaded the drunk aboard and cleared the truck driver, the doors were closed and the ambulance began to pull away. I turned to one of the policemen and asked why they weren’t doing a breathalyzer test. He responded that a blood sample would be drawn in the ambulance – apparently it was standard practice when there was drinking with injuries involved. He said the paramedics would have to advise the drunk what they were about to do before drawing the sample.
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when the rear doors of the departing ambulance burst open and out flew the drunk. The ambulance was going about 30 mph when the drunk, with his arms and legs wind milling, hit the ground and started to roll down the road. It was just like something out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon. I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. This guy may not have gotten hurt in a head on collision but he was going to kill himself before the night was over. The policemen walked towards the drunk’s prone body lying in the middle of the road where he had rolled to a stop. The ambulance braked hard, one of the Paramedics jumped out and began to guide the rig backwards towards the drunk. They didn’t even bother closing the doors. By the time they had all reached the drunk, he was sitting up dazed on the center line, looking somewhat tattered. It was too far away for us to overhear the conversation, but it was apparent that the drunk was not happy or obliging. As we watched, one officer put hand cuffs on the drunk, the two picked him up while he struggled and hoisted him into the ambulance. An officer climbed in with the drunk and we saw him handcuffing him to a wall as the doors closed yet again and the ambulance departed. By this time a wrecker and highway crew had showed up and they were moving the wreckage and sweeping the road enough for us to pass.
As I climbed back into the warmth if the truck, the stereo, on repeat, was playing:
“Help, I’m steppin’ into the Twilight Zone, Place is a madhouse…”
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Paul Curran and I love to hear from our readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com
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Image links are included with photos for this post (click on picture)
Cordelia's Mom, Still 
The new picture? LOVE it. That is more how I have pictured Paul. The story? OMG. That was terribly funny! 😀
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Ha! Thanks Victo! I actually put my hair back in a short pony tail this morning – the first time in my life. The corporate world frowns on that. 😀 Yeah, my God that guy was an idiot. To be honest, i think personally a lot of the humor at the time was a result of the sudden realization that no one was hurt – incredible and very, very, rare for an accident of this type. That release of tension like a big WHOOSH! when it becomes a spectator sport rather than a tragedy. That makes what follows so much more funny.
Thanks so much for dropping by for a read Victo – I am honored. **BOWS** Please drop by again -ad have a great day! 😀
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Thank you very much for this opportunity to guest post CM. You are very kind to me. The pictures look great,by the way – I really like what you did with the night time police car, that is so what they look like at night, just a blurr of color and lights. Perfect editing CM – thank you. .
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Thanks, Paul. As you know, I spend a lot of time trying to get just the right pictures – glad you’re pleased with them.
(Heck, I had scheduled this post before my ball-in-the-yard incident (yesterday’s post, for those who haven’t read it yet) – I could have just taken a picture of the cop car in front of my own house!).
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Ah drunkards who pilot motor vehicles… such a wonderful breed of human being, roughly the equivalent of pond slime in a manure-infested drainage ditch. But this did make me laugh – although I didn’t feel sorry for the chap in the slightest. He probably deserved more than a head scratch in the car, and I wish the ambulance had been moving a slightly greater rate of speed when he’d decided to make his exit.
Great stuff Paul – highly entertaining. And I love the photo – I hope you take this as a compliment, but you have a very very kind face, sir.
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I’m pleased that you enjoyed it Trent – thank you so very much for dropping in for a read and comment. I do actually take take it as a compliment – Thank you. For me I have begun to realize , as my life goes on that truly only one thing matters in this world – Kindness. That you should mention that my photo makes me look kind – is therefore, a highest level compliment. I used to look tough, then I looked corporate (my previous photo) and now i am pleased to look kind. 😀 Y’all come back again, ya hear? 😀
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I so agree with that. I find that the wellspring of kindness is almost infinite in people, but somehow accessing that source is not always, shall we say, convenient.
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He does look kind, doesn’t he? I think there’s even a twinkle in his eye in that photo. Thanks for reading and commenting, Trent.
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Definite twinkle… my pleasure CM. I’ve been absent from blogging stuff of late, and for some time… happy to be back and reading great stuff. Thanks for hosting our blogging nomad there.
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It’s good that there were no injuries and we can laugh at the antics of this nut-job. Great story Paul.
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Hi Dan! thanks so much for the visit and read. Yep, it could so easily have been a tragedy – and yet it wasn’t, through the grace of God only and certainly not the actions of the participants. In a way that’s what made it so funny to me at the time.
I’m pleased that you enjoyed the story and i hope you’ll keep visiting. Thank You.
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Reblogged this on and commented:
The infamous Paul Curran has struck again at Cordelia’s Place! Check it out. He even has a new picture/look. Is it the same person? I don’t know. 😉
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Ha! Thanks so much for the reblog Gibber! That’s a picture of my writer persona – he’s an ugly one, isn’t he? Ha! Now that I have the look down pat, I just have to find a small room over a bakery where I can let my angst hang out. Ha!
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You’re welcome! Ha. I like the writing look. 😉
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Thank You Gibber. I have gotten a lot of positive feedback about this look – it goes well with the stories. ha!
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Ha you’re welcome!
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Thanks for the re-blog. Although, I don’t know If it’s really proper for me to thank you for re-blogging a guest post. Ah well, I know Paul thanks you, too.
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Of course it is fine for you to be thankful – it brings readers to your blog CM. 😀
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Another great trucking/adventure story. I got a good laugh out of this. Thanks for brightening my day.
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Thanks so much for dropping by Glazed. I am pleased that you enjoyed the post. Sometimes, even in the situation of potential disaster, there is humor to be found. That’s often when I laugh hardest. It was an honor seeing you here Glazed and I hope you drop by again. 😀
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Love the photo Paul!!, that is a brilliant post !
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Thank you so much for the visit and the compliment Willow. It is a pleasure to see you here. I am pleased that you enjoyed the story. Please drop by again. 😀
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Thanks Paul it was an interesting post. xx
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Good story! 🙂
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Thanks so much Lynette! It is great to see you here. Thank you for the compliment. Are you back to flying yet? Thanks again for the visit – please drop by again 🙂
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It’s a testament to modern engineering that that guy wasn’t reduced to mush upon impact. It’s thanks to science–not God. Speaking of God…there is a place in deep, dark hell where drunk drivers are thrown. I get and appreciate the element of humor here, but drunk drivers and texting drivers push my buttons like nothing else. If anything happens to my family because someone was driving drunk, I’m going on a rampage and won’t stop until my need for revenge is satisfied.
The new photo is great! Get that man an agent!
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Mark! Awesome you dropped by – thank you. You are right about drunk or texting drivers – their blatant uncaring for others is evil. And yet it is a reality of our lives – it happens regularly. Definitely the engineering that helped keep him alive, but speaking from personal experience, that is seldom enough in head-ons. Hit a tractor-trailer at highway speeds, head-on, and there isn’t enough engineering in the world to save you. I actually wasn’t intending to make this story about God – it was just a thought in passing, a thought that really happened when i saw him.
Thanks for the compliment on the new picture Mark – that’s my writer look. ha! Thanks for dropping by – please come again.
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Just love your stories.
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Thank you so much for dropping by lbeth. I am pleased you enjoyed the story – thank you. Please come by again.
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Ha! Too funny, Paul. There is indeed a special God for children, fools, and drunks. Sometimes you cannot help but laugh when people seem hell bent on killing themselves and yet they somehow manage to survive in spite of their best efforts. Love the new photo too, very cute.
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Thanks IB! I’m glad you enjoyed the piece and the new photo. Thanks for the read, comment, and compliment. The photo is my writer’s persona. Ha! Great to see you here, please drop by again.
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Now THAT is a picture of a storyteller. And there was a wonderful story that followed it. This post is a two-fer!
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Ha! Thanks Elyse! I am pleased that you dropped by for a read and comment. And thank you so much for the compliments. I’m getting quite the writer facade going there aren’t I? Ha! It actually wasn’t intentional – but it seems to be well received. I’m glad that you enjoyed the photo and the story. I am honored that you visited – please drop by again. 😀
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That drunk driver had some sort of wish that night, Paul. Amazing that he did not do himself in with his stupid behavior and antics one after the other. Great eye for detail and telling style, as always.
Your new photo is fantastic, my friend. I’m glad I loaned you my beard. 🙂 Hey, send us other bloggers where you write every now and again copies of the new look. I’ll gladly replace to worn mug shot with the 2015 Paul Curran. Ponytail! Now you’ll be picking up those little rubber bands everywhere you see them sitting around. Yeah, I went through a ponytail stage for about a year when I hit my 40s …
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Hey Mark! Great to see you here. Thanks so much for dropping by. Yeah the new look just sort of grew by itself. Ha! I’ve gotten great feedback on the new photo. Thank you. And thanks for the compliment on the post. I’m glad you enjoyed it, especially since you write as a profession.
Please drop by again.
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I’m sure this drunk driver tried a few more escape attempts as he was being unloaded from the ambulance, then in the hospital, and then in court.
And in the less funny part of the story – he’s probably back on the road by now.
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Hi X! Great to see you here, thanks so much for dropping by. No doubt you are right -he is likely back on the road. This is a recurring problem that no one has found a sure cure for. It is especially an issue over night on weekends. When you drive for a living you learn to watch for these idiots. Generally they lose when they go up against a tractor-trailer, this guy was a notable exception in my experience. It has been a pleasure as always to have you visit X – please drop by again.
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There are solutions, actually. Cars can be equipped with breathalyzers connected to ignition – blow into it after having a drink and the car won’t start. And there are ankle bracelets that measure the level of alcohol. However, all these solutions are for when the driver has already been caught drunk, so my hopes are mainly with Google’s driverless cars.
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Two weeks ago I was driving through South Georgia, approaching a construction zone, but still miles away, when traffic suddenly slammed to a stop. It was too soon to be construction related, though you never know how far back the traffic will be affected. I creeped along, impatient with the patience required. I could see cars moving one by one into the left lane, but there were no construction cones. Accident, I thought. And, indeed, it was. A Honda Civic had rear-ended a semi, the engine nearly smashed into the back seat, yet the driver was OK. No blood or anything. He was standing behind his car on his phone. It was so recent no cops or ambulance had arrived yet. I was floored that he was OK. How could someone in such a small car driving fast enough to smash their car up that bad not be dead? Angels patrol the highway, no doubt.
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Hi Mel! Great to see you here thanks so much for the visit. It is rare that a small car and a tractor-trailer tangle without an injury. Angels indeed. You would have laughed at what I saw one day. I was passing on the opposite side of the interstate when i saw two tractor-trailers and a small car involved in an accident. They were all standing looking at the situation, so I know no one was hurt. The car had run into the rear of the first tractor-trailer and then a second tractor-trailer had run into the rear of the car. As a result the little car was suspended with all four wheels off the road between the two trucks. It looked like something from Bugs Bunny – you just expected someone to say :” What’s up doc?”.Ha!
Thanks for the visit Mel – please drop by again
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And that, my friend, is why I loath to be in-between two trucks. I’m pretty skittish around trucks in general – fearing that which is unlikely to happen, like a truck falling over on top of me, or a tire exploding through my windshield, etc. That said, though, I’ve always wanted to drive one. 🙂
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OIt is good to stay awy from them unless passing. And they are fun to drive ha! 😀
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I have read this twice now Paul and it just gets better!!
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Thank you very much Anon. It is a pleasure to have you visit. I am honored. Please drop by again. While you’re here please feel free to check out Cordelia’s Mom’s posts as well -= she is an excellent blogger and never fails to entertain. 🙂 I look forward to seeing you again.
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Aw, Paul, I’m blushing. Thanks for the plug.
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A satisfying tale u’ve spun Paul, well done sir. 🙂
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Welcome 1EU! I’m surprised you found this from Willow’s. It’s great to have you here for a visit. I am honored. Thanks for the read, comment and compliment. Please browse around and take a look at Cordelia’s Mom’s posts.
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You are quite the natural storyteller, what’s surprising is that u’r not published yet! Clear, concise, compelling writing style. Thanks for sharing u’r tales!
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Always love your stories, Paul! And just a miracle no one was hurt – wasn’t their time that night . . .
Regarding your new look – love it!! Definitely, the look of a writer!! And you do have a kind happy face – and yes I see a twinkle, too ❤
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Hey Sadie! Great to see you here. Thank you for the compliment. Yep, it just wasn’t his time to go. Ha! But it wasn’t for lack of his trying. Thanks for dropping by with a comment. A pleasure.
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My, aren’t you a handsome chap!
As always, I find your stories fascinating. During my 33 years as a customer engineer for a large multinational computer company, I travelled up to 200,000 miles per year, and although I came across numerous crashes (including several fatal), I was not fortunate enough to have ever come across one that had a humorous side to it.
In fact the nearest to a humorous occasion was a crash I was involved in. A driver of a Jaguar XJ12 decided to pass a long line of vehicles on a sweeping, but blind curve while I was heading in the opposite direction on the same stretch of road. Our driver side headlights made direct contact before the front of my Toyota Corolla crumpled enough for the Jag to side-swipe the the length of my car. Police estimated the closing speed of the two vehicles on impact was close to 110 mph.
The funny part? The passenger of the Jag walked the 200 yards back to to where I had stopped, not to see if I was okay, but to ask me to go with him so that I could apologise to the driver of the Jaguar for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and as a consequence the driver would miss a meeting. I’m not known for deliberately causing offence, but that was an exception. I didn’t see the driver until the police brought him to where I was and he was charged with dangerous driving. The look on his face was priceless. I’m sure that to this day that driver is convinced that the collision was my fault. The court found otherwise.
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Welcome, Barry. Thanks for joining us today.
What a frightening story – thank heavens no one was killed in that collision.
Paul will be over shortly to add his own reply to your comment.
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Hi Barry! thanks so much for dropping by -= I am honored. There are a some super-rich entitled bastards out there who think they are always right. I am glad that it all turned out OK for you and no one was hurt. It is so very rare that accidents of that type have no injuries. That is what makes them funny, I have no doubt. Thanks again for the visit – I enjoy reading your posts, please come by again.
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Yes to the profile picture! 😀 I will call it shabby chic because it is! (and we know I love beards!)
I suppose I should say something about the story?
It was a fun read Paul – I did enjoy it much 🙂
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Belinda!What an honor to find you over here in our little corner reading. Thank you. So, my new beard is more interesting than the story, eh? Sheesh. Ha! Thanks so much for the compliments – I am pleased that you like the new look and the story. It is great to have you visit. There will be a new story – fiction- posted here at Cordelia’s Mom’s in the near future. It is written and edited but we are just waiting for authorization for some pictures – they add a lot to the story or I’d run it without them. Please drop by again. 😀
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