My new[er] car has slots on the floor on either side of the front seats, just inside the doors, for the sole purpose of holding a folding umbrella. What a cool feature! No more throwing a wet umbrella onto the seat.
Had I been asked to list the features I want in a new car, that little detail would not have been included simply because I never would have thought of it.
However, it did get me thinking (always dangerous). If I could choose anything I want on a car, what kinds of features would I like? Here are some thoughts – bear in mind that I might have come up with some of these after a couple of glasses of wine:
An easily accessible hook on which to hang my purse while driving. Normally, I toss my purse on the front passenger seat – but if I have a passenger, then the purse must go onto the back seat. Which is not convenient should a cop pull me over and want my license. [Pardon me, officer, but do you mind if I get out and open the back door, or would you rather I simply climb over the seat to fetch my purse?]
A back-up camera cleaner. Now that I have a backup camera, I find I use it a lot. But it’s located under the back license plate, where all that road grit and slush are thrown against it. This results in me thinking that I have lost my glasses just before backing up because everything is just sooooo blurry. Or else I imagine I see a ghost standing behind my car instead of that garbage tote. How hard would it be to put a mini-squirter or mini-wiper on the darn thing?
Self-cleaning body panels. Sure, I can clean both the front and back windshields with the push of a button, but I still need to drive to the carwash to clean the rest of the vehicle. This is a pain in the butt and often makes me late for work because no one else has a self-cleaning car, either. They make self-cleaning ovens and self-defrosting refrigerators , don’t they? Why not cars? Which brings me to my next desired feature:
Self-defrosting car. I don’t have a remote starter, and even if I did, it still takes time for that ice to melt off the vehicle (waste of gas) – and the defrosters only clear the front and back windows. I want a car that automatically deflects all ice and snow, or at least one that is capable of self-melting the ice off those damn doors so that I can actually get in without tearing my shoulder out of its socket and then hearing that nasty door-opening “crack” which makes me think the hinges have failed completely.
Bigger sun visors, or automatically tinted glass. Us shorter people are not protected by those tiny sun visors that are in most cars these days. Sure, I could wear sunglasses while driving, or I could go out and buy one of those visor extenders (yes, there are such things – look it up), but why should I have to? If making the visors bigger is too much of a problem, then how about making the windshield tint automatically according to the amount of light? Eyeglass manufacturers have been doing that for years – how hard can it be?
Roof-top alert. How about an indicator that would tell me if I accidentally left my house keys, or a package, or my lunch on top of the vehicle when I took off? After my first child was born, I accidentally left her diaper bag on top of the car – thank heavens I noticed when it fell off a few blocks later. (And thank heavens it wasn’t the car seat, with the baby in it!)
A programmable horn. Wouldn’t it be cool to be able to choose the sound of your car’s horn? I especially would like one that OINKS whenever I see someone throw a cigarette or garbage from another vehicle. (There should be a safety feature, however, so that I can’t use the OINK setting if there is a police vehicle within eyesight or hearing range of my car.)
A forewarning system. This may be my favorite, and would be beneficial to traffic in general. How about some kind of system that would let other drivers know I’m coming, so they can get off the damn road already!
How about you? What features would you like on your next vehicle?
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I love to hear from my readers. You may comment on this post, comment on my Facebook or Twitter pages, or email me at cordeliasmom2012@yahoo.com or notcordeliasmom@aol.com
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Images by Cordelia’s Mom
Cordelia's Mom, Still 
I love the idea of the horn that oinks. My Kia Sportage had a hook built into the passenger side of the center console for pocketbooks. When my wife first folded it down, she noticed that printed on the inside was “Weight limit 5 lbs” – I don’t think it was ever used. Great ideas!
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Well, there’s the drawback, I guess. A purse heavier than 5 lbs. would probably hit the driver or passenger in the back of the head during a crash. Definitely not a good thing.
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Back up camera cleaner would be perfect! And the rooftop warning would be soooooo helpful. Great ideas! 🙂
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I suspect you’ve had need for both? Maybe you and I should go to work doing vehicle designs.
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Yes!!!!! 😉
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ok. I’ll meet you there. You can go first.
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It would make a fun second career. Deal!
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I need a dust resistant interior and fewer nooks and crannies to vacuum. Love the umbrella idea!
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I think if you use the recycled air feature that maybe (just maybe) it cuts down on the dust, too. I know one of my cars had a HEPA filter built into the system.
Since I seldom vacuum my car, this idea never occurred to me. Thanks for pointing it out.
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Fun list CM.
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Thanks, Paul.
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I want a car that doubles as a WiFi hotspot so that I can write and read blogs while I’m driving. Oh wait, that’s probably not such a good idea, is it?
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Ha! Hey Doobs, I saw a Discovery program a while ago on donkey tours of old Israel. The organizers had so many complaints from the young generation that they couldn’t tweet or read e-mail while on the tour (no coverage in the areas they were touring) that they made one of the donkeys a WiFi hot spot. They had a satellite transmitter package hung around one donkey’s neck and it enabled all the devices within about 1/4 mile. Very cool. Not to put too sharp a point on it, but that Israeli donkey was higher tech than your car. Ha! So much for the old country.
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Maybe that’s what I need. I satellite transmitter hung around the head rest in my car. Seriously, though, why would anyone need WiFi while on a donkey tour in old Israel? That’s a sad reflection of who we’ve become.
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Ha! They increased their business considerably when they advertized that fact.
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Oh, I like that, Paul. I want a pony with WiFi!
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Actually, I believe some of the upper end cars do have WiFi hot spots built in. My vehicle only has SYNC with the voice activated commands, but I don’t know how to use the voice activation, and I only use the system to answer the phone when it rings while I’m driving, which I can do by pushing a button on the steering wheel until I can figure out the voice activation method.
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You’re good. Car companies need to hire you. (The programable horn is perfect)
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I would love for a car company (or anyone else for that matter) to hire me for my brain, preferably in a work-from-home capacity. But then, we probably all want that.
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Yes.
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Yes? Got some contacts you can send my way?
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No. 😦
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But Car Dude retweeted my RT of this post.
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Really? Cool!
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Every single addition that you have cited makes perfect sense! I would like to be able to warm up the heated seats before I get in the car. My husbands car can be unlocked and put the lights on from in doors how much cooler ( or hotter even!) would it be if the the heated seats could be started up as well?? ( I would also like a curb warning for those times when the curb leaps out and attacks your tires… Love the self cleaning panels and of course we need the self hoovering up and keeping tidy interior! OH! and a gag for my husband or mother in law when I am driving….. okay I am getting silly now I shall go!! xxx
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Ah, now that last one is a classic! Even when I’m driving my husband to the ER because he’s having uncontrolled tachycardia, he manages to spend the entire trip advising me on my driving, to the point that I finally just tell him to shut up – or walk.
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He he he
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Why have a backup camera if you can’t clean it?
Useful list!
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Amen to that. I don’t think the police would accept my explanation that I couldn’t see that pedestrian behind me on account of the sludge on the camera.
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…which is why I pretty-much object to ’em – all this “I have high-tech, so I don’t have to pay attention” stuff makes us all stupid-er.
(Rant Hat off, now)
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You’re allowed to rant, Karen. Even when the camera is clean, I don’t trust it completely. I still look around just like I always did before. But maybe that’s because of my age – I’ve never totally trusted technology.
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This post is so clever and hilarious. Lots of good ideas. I want my next car to have a rear bumper device that would cause any car that hit it to be thrust up into the air, spun around, and then safely deposited a distance away. Can you tell that the last new car i bought was rear-ended by someone who was texting and sustained $11,000 worth of damage when I only had it for 2 weeks? My car and I got over it…but I want protection! .
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I feel your pain. I had my red car only about 2 weeks when I got rear-ended while waiting to make a left turn. The young lady said she didn’t see me (maybe if she had been looking ahead instead of down at her lap, she would have noticed). My husband was rear-ended while sitting in traffic at a light – the young man who hit him had just gotten his license and was showing off for his brother (the passenger) by driving way too fast and hadn’t noticed that traffic had stopped. Your idea is fantastic!
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Reblogged this on Cordelia's Mom, Still and commented:
Three years later, I have a newer version of the same vehicle, but it still doesn’t have any of these features. Don’t they pay attention? Helloooo, is there anyone out there?
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This list made me laugh all over again, CM!
Love your writing, Lady 🙂
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Thanks, Karen. I’ll have new stuff soon. I promise.
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Oh, I love these…I’ll take a self-cleaning anything. And, the rooftop alert…sorry to say that I’ve needed that, for both drinks and purses, ugh !!
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Hi, Van. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I had a speak on the roof of the car. When not oinking, I could be telling people to “move along, now … come on.”
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I totally feel you on the purse thing. Seriously.
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I know, right? Although it did occur to me that having a purse on a hook could be a bad thing in the case of an accident, when the purse could very well become airborne.
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Truly.
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It’s great to read Paul’s comments here, CM! (￣▽￣)ノ
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I know. Every time I pull up an old post and see one of his comments, I get a little twinge in my heart. Such a loss.
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Yes, but I’m grateful to have known him. Thanks to you, CM. (°◡°♡).:｡
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